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    • #133654

      heello everyone,

      I’m sure this is normal. but I feel really sad and alone. my ex was close to me and he was the only one I spoke to because he never let me out or speak to my best ffiend. he said she was a bad influence as she went out with a lot of boys and spoke about sex alothe.
      he made me stop speaking to her and I listened stupidly I was just scared he will find out and get mad at me. I didn’t speak to her for like (detail removed by Moderator) months and when I finally left him I spoke to her.

      ever since then she acts like she doesn’t care about me and ignomes my messages when I speak about how I miss my ex. I have ALWAYS historically been there for her as a friend she’s always crying over guys and I’m there for her.
      she was upset about her fiance being on a dating app and ran to my house to be upset and messaged me so much. but before that she didn’t even bother visiting me since I left my partner.
      (I’m not able to go out because I’m scared sof my other friend picks me up)

      my point is whenever she’s been upset or has a romance she always ignores me. even when I was with my ex she complained about how I didn’t give her time. but when she was in relationships pprior to that she ignored me and blew me off so many times.

      she acts so insensitive and says I act bitter.
      the reason why I’m so upset is I don’t want to lose my best friend as well as my ex. I dot want to have to lose 2 people. I should at least have her.

      she’s getting married so I know she’s busy but when I was getting married in always texted her.
      she replies after days and acts so disinterested so I was so upset I blocked her.

      like losing her as a friend is making me sad because I only have one other friend.

      am I making the right decision in blocking her because she’s so insensitive and literally just cares about herself.

      she chose to have an abortion (this was when my ex banned me from speaking to her) and this was the same time of my miscarriage. Yeh I get i wasn’t there for her. but this was the only period of my life I wasn’t there for her.

      I don’t know why she’s ignoring me. I’m sorry I sound like a whiny little girl but I feel so so alone I wish I had a friend I really want more friends I can have fun with and do girly stuff with like watch movies and talk to.

      I always used to be with my ex we lived together we spent so much time together I’m so lonely.

    • #133655

      I just really miss my bestfrind and I hate that she’s not there for me it makes me want to cry so much how she’s ignoring me.
      I feel really lonely and sad and i just can’t stop crying. like Yeh everyone screams and says leave your abuser but what about when we do leave
      does anyone tell u how sad and even more lonely it is. sometimes I wish I was still with him even tho he hits me. at least I would have someone to talk to and hug me I’m really lonely

    • #133658
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Hi. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was lucky and kept a lot of friends. However there were a couple of people who were very close friends who I lost, and know how painful it is. I think it’s very hard for people who haven’t experienced abuse themselves to understand how we can love these people and keep giving them chances. Their worry and frustration can lead them to cut ties for the sake of their own mental health. Other times people just aren’t capable of the level of friendship that goes beyond the fun times.

      It sounds like you offered an olive branch. Even if your friendship survives she maybe isn’t going to be the friend to turn to to take about your ex and feelings about that relationship. To be honest it was only my mum who’d experienced similar in the past that I could talk to freely about it. Women’s Aid were great, and subsequently the ladies from the Freedom Program and on here, because they can understand how I’m feeling.

      Do you think it’s worth contacting some of the other friends you lost touch with for general friendship? Coffee and a chat kind of contact?

      Other ways I’ve made new connections when relocating have been through volunteering or joining groups / clubs. We can’t just get our old lives back, but we have a wonderful gift as a consequence of getting out of an abusive relationship, and that’s hope and the freedom to start making a new and better life.

      Whenever you start feeling tempted to go back remembering the good times, please play the tape forward to where it eventually takes you. I found it true that every time I went back it took less and less time to get back to the abusive part of the cycle. He always promised things would be different but it just got worse, not better, and I believe that’s the norm unfortunately.

      Please talk to your local women’s aid team. When my emotions were all over the place and I felt list and alone they were my rock. A year on things feel so much better but it’s getting through that initial pain that’s the hardest.

      You’re in my prayers today.

      GR xx

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