Left – now he is asking to meet

[keepswimming]

Hello everyone

I’ve posted previously about leaving a long term abusive relationship. I left recently and have moved out to get back on my feet.

I’ve insisted on no contact, but he has come to the address once and has texted me a few times. We have some shared responsibilities such as the mortgage and I’ve only contacted him to tell him I will continue to meet my half of everything until we can put the house up for sale.

Now he has been in touch to ask if we could meet. Even seeing his picture on the message made me feel sick with fear. The thought of dealing with him makes me terrified, even over the phone. I know if I decline he will become abusive and may escalate and turn up at my new address. He has given no indication as to what he wants to discuss, other than he has been quiet to allow me the space I need but wants to discuss our situation.

I don’t know how to deal with this. People close to me have given advice on what I should do, but they dont fully understand how vulnerable and scared I am.

I know I don’t want to meet or speak over the phone. Messaging would be best because it gives me more control. I don’t know how to respond to him. Please help.

[KIP.]

Trust your gut. Is there a third party that can communicate for you regarding the shared responsibilities? The best thing is to go zero direct contact and report any direct contact from him to the police. Also, see a solicitor regarding separation and your liabilities to the mortgage as no doubt he will use this to try and control you. I know it’s scary to tell him not to contact you yet he ignores your request, but in the end it’s what you will need to do to prevent further abuse and damage. Don’t be frightened to involve the police. Sadly it’s often the case that we need them to help keep us safe. Speak to your local women’s aid too x

[Author]

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