left with nothing

[Oblivious]

My divorce is finalised, the financial proceedings are over, the property has been sold and I have been left with nothing but debt. Huge debt. I have spent (detail removed by moderator) years navigating the chaos he created and have known for a long time that this would be the likely result, but today it has arrived. The final straw is the bill to the solicitors, impossible to clear because they made the mistakes that left me with nothing. But they want it paid and it will mean bankruptcy for me. I am in private rented housing and it will leave me extremely vulnerable. And, I will spend the rest of my life hiding from him.

[Lisa]

Hi Oblivious,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

I can understand this is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety, especially with recieving that bill knowing the impact this has had on you.

Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) is an organisation sharing knowledge, resources and information on best practice and research and raise awareness around domestic abuse. Their website includes lots of resources and guides for women experiencing financial abuse.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Oblivious]

Hey Lisa,

Thanks for replying. I have been in touch with SEA since quite early on and they have been amazing listeners, it is so validating to speak to people who understand, who know what your experiences mean without having to have it explained to them.

I will contact Bloom, I could certainly use some help.

thanks again.

[Bananaboat]

The Legal Ombudsman or Solicitors regulation authority might be worth contacting if your solicitor messed up

[weather]

Dear Oblivious,

Thank you for sharing your comments.

I am so sorry to hear that you’ve had to go through this. I was also messed around by solicitor(s) and legal advisors. In the end, I had to cut my losses and just LEAVE. To be left with nothing and to endure years of economic abuse is hard and debilitating. I can’t suggest anything, as I don’t feel that’s my place to make advisory comments, but I sincerely hope you’re able to source some form of peace with what’s ahead, as it isn’t easy. I wanted to also thank you for sharing your story as it has helped me to feel less alone.

Please keep posting and I hope to hear from you soon.

Keep safe,
Weather

[Oblivious]

Hey Lisa,

Thanks for replying. I have been in touch with SEA since quite early on and they have been amazing listeners, it is so validating to speak to people who understand, who know what your experiences mean without having to have it explained to them.

I will contact Bloom, I could certainly use some help.

Thank you also to Weather, it helps us all not to feel alone, so I am glad it brings you some comfort.

And Bananaboat – love the name – this is my next step. But how nice would it be not to have to fight everyone?

thanks again.

[weather]

Dear Oblivious,

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I’m so hoping that you manage to get the support you deserve from the agencies you’ve mentioned and that you also manage to resolve your issues. I find it quite hard to trust support agencies due to the manner in which I was treated and sincerely hope that things have changed and that you will be able to source the support you need. Please keep messaging if you can and the best of luck with your journey to freedom.

The best of everything for you …,

Weather

[Oblivious]

Thank you to Weather, I agree, support agencies are only as good as the person you speak to. I am finding workers from all agencies can be quite dismissive of the things I feel and the experiences I had. It is hard to be in a position where one is so dependent on others for support – I am used to being the one giving support!

Copevarde – that is tough, I hope you come out of it ok. On a good day, when the sun shines and music is playing, I know I would leave all over again, even knowing what is going to happen to me. On a bad day I wish I had just walked out at the beginning, because I would have been better off (financially and emotionally). But there is never a day when I wish to still be with him.

[Copevarde]

Hi I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Sending you so so much love. I am still financially tied with my husband it is awful and to be left with that debt I’m so sorry for you. How are you doing?

[weather]

Dear Oblivious,

Thank you for your message. Your story really makes me realise how much debt I escaped from when I left my perpetrator, who was a spoilt bully. I sincerely wish there was something I could suggest to help you. I did look into taking my abuser to court due to the emotional and physical harm he inflicted on me, and on speaking to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau, learnt that you only have (4)-years to make a claim for damages and am not sure if this would apply for financial losses. I also realise that certain elements of the judicial procedure can be triggering and extremely hard to navigate. I hope that you are able to resolve or regain some of your losses. I do believe in Karma and eventually, all of that bad energy will catch up with the perpetrators.

Wishing you an element of peace,

W

[Author]

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