This topic contains 14 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #68687
     Landy 
    Participant

    Let him back home because of pressure from his family who don’t want him on their doorstep.

    It all kicked off again. I ran from the house, barefoot and without a coat, locked myself in the car and called the police. I got arrested because he’d cut his hand when he punched (Detail removed by Moderator) and the glass broke. He told them I did it. Plus a bunch of other terrible lies. After (Detail removed by Moderator) of abuse, I spat at him when he hit me. Despite all the other calls I’ve made to the police in the last couple of years, I got a caution for that. I told the truth. I didn’t lie or do the “No comment” thing he always does. Should have lied.

    Now I feel I can never call the police again. He’s won. His lying and abuse have paid off and I just have to suck it up.

  • #68692
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hello Landy, I’m so sorry to hear youve been let down. These men are master liars and manipulators. Have you any one who has witnessed his abuse of you over the years. Time to get him out of your life for good now. Have you contacted women’s aid , they have their own solicitors who specialise in DA. With a letter from your doctor and two statements of abuse, one yours and the other from a witness you can get an interim exclusion order which gets him out of your home. This is issued by a judge so if he breaks the order he is arrested. Could you possibly contact the police and ask to speak to an officer who is versed in domestic abuse. Take someone with you for moral support or they can visit you at home. He may have fooled them, but they need to put the whole picture together especially if you’ve reported him previously. Don’t give up hope, you will get out of this, just don’t listen to his family next time.๐Ÿ˜” I suppose you can try and look at it that now you know he’s not going to change. The Samaritans are available at weekends if you need someone to talk to, it’s such a shame WA only open mon-fri. We’re with you every step of the way, post on here, read others posts, it will give you strength and knowledge and with that comes power. You will get out of this situation again, believe in yourself๐Ÿ’›
    IWMB ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

  • #68694
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Meant to say, have you journalled his abuse. Dates,times, what was said or done. It gives the solicitors something to work with and it’s a very good way to remind us just how sh..ty they can be.
    IWMB ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

  • #68743
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Landy,

    I am sorry to hear about what you have been through because of him and of your experience with the police. Did you speak to the domestic violence unit within the police? You can request to speak to them who will have an understanding of the dynamics of an abusive relationship. I understand you feel let down but please do call the police again if you feel at risk at any time, your calls should be logged and building a record and the police are there to protect you from his abusive behaviour.

    Have you got any support in place from your local support service? Please consider reaching out to your local service for emotional and practical support. They can help you with a safety plan so you don’t have to go through this alone. You can find your local group here. Talking to your GP is also a good idea for support. The 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is also available on 0808 2000 247 to discuss any options based on your circumstances and can also give you an ID number to maintain a log of any calls to them.

    Keep posting to us when you can, we are here to support you along the way. You should be able to live free from abuse.

    Best wishes,

    Lisa

  • #68748
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    Just a thought, and don’t intend to minimise what you have been through at all, it sounds awful, but I’m sure and I know from first hand experience that hardly any woman who experiences d.a. has not been accused of being an abuser herself. What are you supposed to do? If you didn’t defend yourself or try to, they would ask you why you didn’t.

    So journaling the rest of it makes sense. IT is so difficult and emotional abuse really difficult to prove anyway. So well done for even posting here.

    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #68909
     Ayanna 
    Participant

    Complain!
    You need to request the caution to be removed.
    Make a big fuss at the Police complaints commission.
    Also, look for your nearest Sisters Uncut group and tell them. They might have advice too.
    Speak to Rights of Women.
    Do not accept any of this.
    You deserve a life free from abuse.
    You need to fight.
    Many of us have to fight, even years after.

  • #69107
     Landy 
    Participant

    Thank you for this. I feel so angry at what’s happened and now feel I can’t ever call the police again.

  • #69111
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Please ring the domestic abuse police and ask to speak to someone. Ring 101. Or get someone to ring on your behalf. Local womenโ€™s aid? Explain what happened to you. Dont judge the whole police force by the actions of one or two who are clearly not trained. Your abuser wants to isolate you from help. Theyโ€™re there to protect you. You can give your statement to the domestic abuse police so that if the regular police have to attend again, they are aware of what is really going on x

  • #69123
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    KIP is right, Police CommiKssioner may be of some help as she/he supervises chief constables. It may and will be a fight. However it is a matter of policy also. It may take time but I really hope you will be strong enough to take it to the top.

    Keep posting. Agree if at all possible to get caution withdrawn. I hadn’t though to that.
    thinking of you
    ftc
    x

  • #69585
     Landy 
    Participant

    Thank you all. I’m just scared that I’ll just end up making things worse. He just has a way of making out that I’m the bad guy, telling the most awful lies about me and without even flinching. The officer who drove me home said I should have denied spitting and I’d have not got the caution because it was his word against mine. How can it be that by being truthful, I am worse off?

  • #69586
     Landy 
    Participant

    I’ve emailed Sisters Uncut. Thank you

  • #69587
     Landy 
    Participant

    I started a journal, but I’m just so scared he’ll find it, so I haven’t updated it for a while. This police thing has just made me feel even more trapped than ever.

  • #69608
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Landy , I’m doing my journal on my phone , which is locked with pass key. he’s mentioned a few times that I must have something to hide if im now locking it but I just told him I did it accidentally when setting it up and haven’t worked out how to change it yet. I do also have written journals I’ve been writing for years, he’s no idea I have them. I’m paranoid now that he’ll find them so I carry them around in my bag now all the time.

    IWMB ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

  • #69692
     Landy 
    Participant

    What App do you use please? I could do that. I’ve locked my phone for some while now because I talk to my niece about what for a on at home. Plus I’m on touch with his family and he’s forbidden me yo do that. He tells me I must have something to hide, but I don’t care.

  • #69696
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    It’s in where memos and notes are. Iut only allows you a certain amount of words but I just do a continued page.๐Ÿ’œ

    IWMB ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

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