This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Milli 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #103004
     Milli 
    Participant

    ive been married to my husband who is a functioning alcoholic for (detail removed by moderator).

    over the past few years there have been issues where police have been involved, this led to me being classed as high risk and put under (detail removed by moderator), domestic abuse team.

    for several months the all the authorities have tried to persuade me to leave my home/husband.

    eventually i did, beginning of (detail removed by moderator) this year. i was put into temporary accommodation.

    from day one, i asked what it would cost as i was still paying a mortgage and only worked part time. Every time i asked i was told to concentrate on myself and they would help with everything.

    the weeks went by, and i found i started an amazing friendship with another victims. i learnt to be me and and they helped me deal with my depression and anxiety.

    it wasn’t easy sharing a house, 4 of us (some with children) were under the D/V team, the council then decide to put in 2 young homeless men, this knocked us all with our insecurities of males, then we had a husband and wife who continually argued, the raised voices were horrific for me to deal with. we felt we were shoved into T/A and left.

    to cut a long story short, i received a letter saying i owed just under £4,000 for (detail removed by moderator) weeks of living in a room which was 10×8 and smelt of drains, as i had savings i couldn’t get help.

    I feel so let down, ok there’s cutbacks, the fact i was moved into T/A for my safety wasn’t my doing, others at the house admitted they were playing the system, they got housing benefit.

    I returned home to my husband (detail removed by moderator), i couldnt justify paying out anymore to the council, or at least until they found anywhere cheaper. all very awkward and scary for me, hes in total denial of everything.

    ive just sent an email to my local mp, i just need to get it out there how ive been let down.

     

     

     

     

     

  • #103006
     KIP. 
    Participant

    That’s absolutely appalling and you didn’t agree to pay anything. Certainly not for accommodation that was clearly unsuitable and allowing men there is unbelievable. Do you have a local women’s aid? Talk to citizens advice and get some legal advice about getting him removed from the property and getting an occupation order or non molestation order. Also talk to the police about how to have him removed as I believe they may have new powers. Don’t give up. Being there is dangerous for you. I’d also take advice before paying anything of that £4K. They took advantage of a vulnerable woman. I’m sure if they had said it would be £4K upfront you would not have done this. Victim Support are also great and they have a helpline. the national domestic abuse helpline Is also a good resource. Of course he’s going to be in denial. Try to keep a secret journal of his behaviour and let your GP know. All good evidence x

  • #103020
     Milli 
    Participant

    hi kip….
    thank you for messaging…
    i remember signing forms on the first night, to agree about the rules of the house, while i was very upset, but nope nothing was mentioned.

    apparently it was ok to have men there as where i live have no refuges.

    last year i was advised to get occupational order, but i just couldnt do it, too nervous. it would be easier for him as he would then be classed as homeless with no savings. i still dont think i can do it….

    i had to pay £2k the day i left, as my housing officer said they will help me look privately for accommodation.

    its awkward now as i dont want to pay the balance, but the 2 case workers i have were the ones who have been there for me, but should have told me the cost, but in their defence they did fight my corner.

    ive only been back (detail removed by moderator) and this morning back to how it was…. im just keeping out his way.

    xx

  • #103022
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Keep your phone on you at all times fully charged. It’s already cost you £4K and he’s had the house to himself for all the time you were away. It’s time to get him out and claim back you life and your safety. Even if it just gives you some breathing space. My advice is to get that occupation order while you can and before it’s too late. The domestic abuse murders have doubled since lockdown. You need to put yourself first. It never takes long to go back to abuse only this time you will be punished for leaving and you won’t see it coming. You do not have to live like this. You deserve better x

  • #103092
     Milli 
    Participant

    thank you so much….one thing ive learnt is to have a fully charged phone…. but i will take on board what you have said. thank you again you speak sense just what i need to remember… x

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