12th February 2021 at 6:32 pm #121582
I’ve just received an extraordinarily victim-blamey letter from the police. They told me that my ex had told them that I had always consented to sex. Yeah right, in my sleep, unconscious, when I had no choice. They also told me that I had said not to contact a key witness when I had given contact details, and articulated that the witness was very vulnerable. I had never said, don’t contact.
They then said that they believed me. It doesn’t work like that. They can’t tell me that on the one hand they believe me, and on the other that they believe my ex.
They said there wasn’t enough evidence. The evidence is in the behaviour. It’s in the notes I wrote. It’s persistent and consistent.
I’ve had a rant to my local Rape Crisis about this police response. Frankly I’m furious. How dare they tell me that my ex claimed I was always consenting, when the evidence demonstrated otherwise. How dare they tell me that I didn’t want them to contact a key witness when they held contact details.
I know my ex has raped and sexually assaulted other women. I’ve been there when he’s done it. I can’t open their mouths, and so often we shove these things under the carpet. It took me quarter of a century to start reporting .
Domestic Abuse is so common and it’s a terrifying path to travel.
I’m furious with the police response because at no point does it recognise anything I have said.
I didn’t report because I expected a prosecution. The CPS don’t use behaviour and evidence of behaviour as evidence. I’m glad that I’m not going to tried as a criminal for the behaviour and actions of another.
The good thing is that I will be having a conversation with my local Rape Crisis about this
12th February 2021 at 7:26 pm #121583KIP.Participant
Jeez. I’m totally shocked that they wouldn’t come and tell you that. They wrote to you about rape and sexual assault. That would have re traumatised me and I’d at least have liked some notice as to when the letter was coming. Let it sink in for a few days then respond with the facts.
12th February 2021 at 9:45 pm #121593
Yes, it has been re-traumatising. The DC in charge of the case has been kind.The DI above her is the problem. I’m effing furious
13th February 2021 at 1:07 pm #121634
The DC did speak to me and let me know to expect a letter. She also warned me that it wouldn’t be hand delivered as usual because of Covid. The evidence is in the pattern of behaviour, and not one specific incident. My ex’s response to my getting angry about his way of showing ‘affection’, using me as a masterbatory tool or a sex toy, was to withdraw all affection. He’s hardly likely to confirm my reality to the police. Liars and people with false selves don’t have the ability to be honest. GGRRR!!
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