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Just received a pretty full on ‘hoover – manoover’ letter from him.
Thankfully, those “Oh god have I made a terrible mistake by leaving him ? ” … is he right ? are we really destined to be together?” feelings in me are not nearly as strong as they used to be. Particularly as I’ve done so much work in the last (detail removed by Moderator) years ( of no contact) around this subject. But the letter sounded very ‘heart felt’ & those feelings were triggered in me whilst reading it, then I remember that I left for a good reason. After all, this is the same man who, ordered me to do something and when I refused, just picked me up and threw me across the room. The same man who once ended an argument with a punch to my face, to “wake me up”) who often used ( physical & verbal ) intimidation/ threats/ gaslighting to get his own way, who harassed me to have sex with him countless times, wether I felt like it or not. Who ripped the (detail removed by Moderator) one day while I was out then smiled when I came home to discover them all ruined, telling me that I should be “grateful” to him because he had (detail removed by Moderator)! Who
did his best to convince the authorities that I was an unsuitable mother, and so on and on …. wether he is genuine or not in his sentiments in this letter ( he could be) I don’t won’t to & cant go back to that, I’ve discovered in this time apart from him that I’m worth so much more than that … I feel like I’ve had a chance to reconnect to my old ( empowered self) before I met him, before I became depressed, before all the stuff happened, from that time created a kind of bridge to now, where I see with a much clearer view .. I’ve come too far, I can’t allow that ( him ) back into my life again, oh but then there’s the guilt, esp around our daughter, who wont see him either, and his other children ( from previous marriages) who won’t see him either .. He is w*d always somehow blaming me / his other partners for that ( our daughter lives with my parents .. so it’s a slightly different situation (.. an long story to go into now). But I felt proud of her when she said she ( without any promoting; my parents and myself have always been very careful to speak neutrally about him in front of her ) set that boundary for herself.
So, in this letter, he describes how he has ” (detail removed by Moderator)” asks for my opinion ( as I have a (detail removed by Moderator) background) on “(detail removed by Moderator) ” (detail removed by Moderator)” which he describes as being the ” only thing that’s keeping him happy”. He also asks me to help him realise ( our) daughter’s “(detail removed by Moderator)” ( I had no idea about this dream ( it could just be his fantasy) anyway, basically all the usual pressure/ manipulations, confusions, leavening me feeling emotionally conflicted .. I guess I’m just posting want to receive some validation and/ or clarity from the outside .. Sometimes he seems so genuine ! -
Hey hun
Just read your post, keep away from this man , the things he did was terrible to u , never ever give them a chance to mess with your head and feelings again. Yes it did all happen and u are right for remebering why did u leave in the first place, i think these men are just honestly bored and heartless that even after we have left them they think x years later they can write a letter to us and make it sound as if we were the loopy one and things werent that bad. Yes they were thats why we left, rip the letter up and bin it . dont even reply to him, who cares if he wants to remain single, my ex states that too, i couldnt care less, when he was with me he couldnt treat me right, so if they want to stay single … good…. one less girl that they cant hurt …. Talk about try and get a reaction out of him, please do not respond and let him get in your head again, it will take a few days to get him out of head . please focus on why none of the kids are not talking to him, of course everything is always everyone else fault expect theres
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Hi Roar,
My ex could say the most beautiful things. He could also say and do the most evil and monstrous things.
Sadly, the nasty things reflect the real them and the depths to which they can go without feeling a cinscurbce. The nice things sadly are part of their fake and manipulative persona, designed and developed to get what they want. He’s got back in touch for sone reason that would benefit himself.
You were very brave to get away. What wonderful things you will be able to experience in the future, free from his abuse. Let him continue in his horrible twisted world- just keep your distance. He sounds like a truly horrible man.
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