- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by
Nacaw.
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15th January 2025 at 4:08 pm #173450
Nacaw
ParticipantI have recently left an abusive relationship after he physically attacked me and was arrested. Why do I feel guilty for him being arrested and also miss him so much. I had (time frame removed by moderator) of this behaviour – originally it was shouting, anger and insults but had started to escalate to threatening behaviour. I had been thinking before this happened I had to get away from him but it was easier to stay as he would have never left voluntarily. I do know that I am better off without him but feel so lonely without him. I should be relieved really and don’t know why I am not – so confused.
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16th January 2025 at 7:42 am #173453
minimeerkat
Participantits ok to feel this way – there are going to be many different even conflicting emotions. the guilt could be because you somehow felt responsible for any abuse or were even manipulated into believing it was always your fault. or you could be thinking of the nice version of your partner that you saw in the early days – even seeing the nice version at times alongside the abuse. so i dont know if it will help you to write down everything that was said & done to cause you pain during the relationship as this could then show the actual truth of how your partner behaved towards you – and that if anyone should be feeling guilty it is him
there are also the trauma bonds that develop within abusive relationships which for example can cause you to crave the very person who has hurt you – and if so when you read about how these bonds are formed it can help you understand a lot of what you may be feeling at the moment. are you in touch with your local da service because it can help so much to have contact with people who understand & can support you. you are right you are better of without this person in your life – hopefully in time with the right support any guilt & confusion will become less. and you will eventually feel confident that you got rid of the bad to make room for the good x
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20th January 2025 at 7:47 am #173520
Nacaw
ParticipantThanks what you have said makes so much sense. I do try to think of all the things he spoiled with his behaviour but do still find myself missing him. I have support from local groups and am seeking some counselling. I just feel right now I will never feel better from this.
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