Viewing 2 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #173450
      Nacaw
      Participant

      I have recently left an abusive relationship after he physically attacked me and was arrested.  Why do I feel guilty for him being arrested and also miss him so much.  I had (time frame removed by moderator) of this behaviour – originally it was shouting, anger and insults but had started to escalate to threatening behaviour.  I had been thinking before this happened I had to get away from him but it was easier to stay as he would have never left voluntarily.  I do know that I am better off without him but feel so lonely without him. I should be relieved really and don’t know why I am not – so confused.

    • #173453
      minimeerkat
      Participant

      its ok to feel this way – there are going to be many different even conflicting emotions.  the guilt could be because you somehow felt responsible for any abuse or were even manipulated into believing it was always your fault. or you could be thinking of the nice version of your partner that you saw in the early days – even seeing the nice version at times alongside the abuse.  so i dont know if it will help you to write down everything that was said & done to cause you pain during the relationship as this could then show the actual truth of how your partner behaved towards you – and that if anyone should be feeling guilty it is him

      there are also the trauma bonds that develop within abusive relationships which for example can cause you to crave the very person who has hurt you – and if so when you read about how these bonds are formed it can help you understand a lot of what you may be feeling at the moment.  are you in touch with your local da service because it can  help so much to have contact with people who understand & can support you.  you are right you are better of without this person in your life – hopefully in time with the right support any guilt & confusion will become less.  and you will eventually feel confident that you got rid of the bad to make room for the good x

    • #173520
      Nacaw
      Participant

      Thanks what you have said makes so much sense. I do try to think of all the things he spoiled with his behaviour but do still find myself missing him.  I have support from local groups and am seeking some counselling. I just feel right now I will never feel better from this.

Viewing 2 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2025 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content