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    • #63127
      Starsindarkness
      Participant

      Its checking registrations as you drive just to be sure
      Investing in cctv for your house that you can’t afford
      Paralysing fear when there’s a knock at your door
      Traumatic memories that hit you and bring you to the floor
      Abuse inflicted that will forever scar you to the core
      The damage that he did just to settle an invisible score
      Looking at pills thinking you can’t take it anymore
      Pretty dresses and skirts he threw out that were unworn
      Every shot of vodka to lessen the pain that you pour
      The smile that doesn’t reach your eyes thats so forced
      The life that you thought you would have had that he’s torn
      The happiness you crave that you believe will never be yours.

      Writing is a good way for me to express myself and carry on. Im still here but still struggling even though he’s gone. I just always think for how long until he comes back, will i ever be safe, still trapped in the cage he built for me:(

    • #63163
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Thank you for sharing with us, Starsindarkness.

      Keep posting to us, we are here for you.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #63164
      Itwastimetostopit
      Participant

      This so much touched me today.
      Felt positive settled
      Just takes one thing then back to anxious paranoid .

    • #63167
      Ayanna
      Participant

      True words.
      Does he still have access to you?
      What can you do to cut him out of your life?

      • #63207
        Starsindarkness
        Participant

        No he doesn’t, well there is no order in place but he has stayed away for the last few months but I just can’t seem to believe he’s gone, keep waiting to see him at my door or around where I live. Im scared every time I drop my son off at nursery or at a family members because Im so scared he’s going to get to him. Its just still a process I’m going through even though I’m no longer in a relationship with him scars take a long time to heel and I guess I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    • #63172
      White Rose
      Participant

      Starsinarkness you have talent. That gave me goosebumps.
      I really do feel the fear when the doorbell goes. My ex has very distinctive body shape and also hair colour and for some reason several
      friends who come to my house
      (and are very welcome) share that distinctive hair and each time I see them through the frosted glass I’m literally frozen. My stomach drops and my heart seems to stop and I quite often gasp outloud. Once or twice it’s been such intense terror I’ve thought I’m going to faint.
      Maybe I should change my door for solid wood and a peephole as it’s the image through the frosted glass that freaks me out. Itdoesnt even help when I’m exoecting then to call either. Alternatively I could get my friends and neighbours to change dye their hair!

      • #63209
        Starsindarkness
        Participant

        Thanks White Rose. that is the exact same as me my door has a frosted window, when the door knocks and I’m not expecting anyone I never answer it, i just stay so still until i hear them going away. I don’t even like going into the back garden as in the past I’ve been washing pots in the kitchen looked up and he’s been there in my back garden. Don’t want to live in fear anymore, its not a life

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