- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by Starsindarkness.
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24th August 2018 at 8:52 pm #63127StarsindarknessParticipant
Its checking registrations as you drive just to be sure
Investing in cctv for your house that you can’t afford
Paralysing fear when there’s a knock at your door
Traumatic memories that hit you and bring you to the floor
Abuse inflicted that will forever scar you to the core
The damage that he did just to settle an invisible score
Looking at pills thinking you can’t take it anymore
Pretty dresses and skirts he threw out that were unworn
Every shot of vodka to lessen the pain that you pour
The smile that doesn’t reach your eyes thats so forced
The life that you thought you would have had that he’s torn
The happiness you crave that you believe will never be yours.Writing is a good way for me to express myself and carry on. Im still here but still struggling even though he’s gone. I just always think for how long until he comes back, will i ever be safe, still trapped in the cage he built for me:(
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25th August 2018 at 8:43 pm #63163LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for sharing with us, Starsindarkness.
Keep posting to us, we are here for you.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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25th August 2018 at 8:48 pm #63164ItwastimetostopitParticipant
This so much touched me today.
Felt positive settled
Just takes one thing then back to anxious paranoid . -
25th August 2018 at 9:16 pm #63167AyannaParticipant
True words.
Does he still have access to you?
What can you do to cut him out of your life?-
27th August 2018 at 1:11 pm #63207StarsindarknessParticipant
No he doesn’t, well there is no order in place but he has stayed away for the last few months but I just can’t seem to believe he’s gone, keep waiting to see him at my door or around where I live. Im scared every time I drop my son off at nursery or at a family members because Im so scared he’s going to get to him. Its just still a process I’m going through even though I’m no longer in a relationship with him scars take a long time to heel and I guess I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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25th August 2018 at 11:06 pm #63172White RoseParticipant
Starsinarkness you have talent. That gave me goosebumps.
I really do feel the fear when the doorbell goes. My ex has very distinctive body shape and also hair colour and for some reason several
friends who come to my house
(and are very welcome) share that distinctive hair and each time I see them through the frosted glass I’m literally frozen. My stomach drops and my heart seems to stop and I quite often gasp outloud. Once or twice it’s been such intense terror I’ve thought I’m going to faint.
Maybe I should change my door for solid wood and a peephole as it’s the image through the frosted glass that freaks me out. Itdoesnt even help when I’m exoecting then to call either. Alternatively I could get my friends and neighbours to change dye their hair!-
27th August 2018 at 1:14 pm #63209StarsindarknessParticipant
Thanks White Rose. that is the exact same as me my door has a frosted window, when the door knocks and I’m not expecting anyone I never answer it, i just stay so still until i hear them going away. I don’t even like going into the back garden as in the past I’ve been washing pots in the kitchen looked up and he’s been there in my back garden. Don’t want to live in fear anymore, its not a life
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