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I know it’s early days, but for the first time this weekend, I started to feel happy on my own.im starting to get things done in the house and I get custody of our dog every weekend (for now anyway…). We moved to a big house with a big garden miles from my family and friends and it needs tens of thousands of pounds spent on it, which we were supposed to be doing together until he decided he liked vodka and abusing me more than he liked the house.
It’ll take me years, but I’ll make this house lovely on my own. Especially now that he’s not here sitting on his backside, smoking and drinking my money away. And I’m pretty handy at DIY and gardening anyway. I’ve already achieved more in the few weeks since he’s been gone than in the (detail removed by Moderator) years we were here together
A letter came for him (detail removed by Moderator) from a debt collection agency demanding £(detail removed by Moderator). A few weeks ago, I’d have been expected to find that money. Now it’s not my problem. I had almost forgotten already how I lived in a permanent state of anxiety about money. It seemed as though he was going to have what he wanted, even if I had to sell a kidney to get it. No more.
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That’s so marvelous. It’s inspiring too, as I’m sitting here in a ratty old house that also needs massive amounts of work, and I was feeling just utterly exhausted, so it’s good to know that can be overcome.
I have started very small, by just going through some old things, and by packing away his stuff. Getting his bits and pieces out of my sight, and being able to clean up around the sh*t pit that was his chair has really made me feel a lot better.
I’ve also done some research and found that I can possibly get an interest free loan from the council for renovating, because my kitchen needs totally rebuilding. Haven’t applied yet, need to clear a bit of headspace to think it through, but the option is there.
Wish I was good at DIY too lol, but I used to be good at learning things, before the fog, so I’ll certainly give things a try.
So pleased for you getting to have your dog sometimes too. x
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Good to hear you’re being positive however debt letters being sent to his registered address need legal advice. Don’t want to worry you but you do not want bailiffs turning up at your door. Ring Rights for Women for some free legal advice and make sure one hundred percent that your finances are separated legally and he cannot run up more debt based on any claim in the house etc.
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If his name is on any bills like gas and electric, council tax etc have him removed. Let the electoral roll know he no longer lives there etc. Debt letters coming so soon is not good. Do you have access to all the financial information. Check and double check for any loans he may have taken out, credit cards etc. Anything you can think of, mine had hidden money and opened a separate bank account.
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Thank you all. I took him off the council tax a whole ago. The house and most of what’s in it belongs to me. He’s an unemployed alcoholic, so has no income. I’ve been carefully to keep our finances separate thankfully.
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And EbonyRaven, take a look on YouTube for diy help. Go for it with the kitchen. You’ll feel so much better x
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