- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by
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This is what happens when with an abuser. All our headspace is taken up in survivor mode. Trying to appease and stay safe. The longer I’m away from abuse, the more headspace I get back for things like rational thinking, happy thoughts, positive thoughts, relaxed thoughts, feeling of positivity and confidence and self esteem and it feels great. Finding the person again I was before abuse. Onwards and upwards. The world is a wonderful interesting place full of adventures when we are not being abused. So if your worried about leaving. Please know that your headspace had shrunk just like mine did and there is hope and a wonderful life out there again. Go get it x
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Hi kip this is very true. Infact uve that much headspace it can be quite overwhelming.. im now finding direction in my life.. ive booked 2 holidays this year for the boys.. and now have individual plans for all 3 of my autistic sons.. something that were impossible when with my ex. Cutting total contact (detail removed by moderator)has made all this possible for us.. the no contact is a total must.. xx
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This is so true. I was constantly in a surviving mood. Not able to plan long term just deal with each day as it comes. I felt like I was going crazy. And I felt like I can’t even remember what happened throughout the year.
I am still in my early days of my no contact. But I feel better than I thought I would. I believe in my future. I have dreams. I start to remember things I used to like to do. Sometimes I stop on the street just to look around, breathe the air and I feel and smell freedom.
Despite that love that I still carry for him, I feel happier than I felt throughout this toxic relationship. -
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My work situation has improved massively since I left due to having more headspace.
I feel like I can actually take on a more challenging role. I didn’t before as he took up too much headspace.
I laughed the other day when I didn’t notice a traffic light had turned green, cars behind beeped at me. I laughed because I was day dreaming, not so stressed I couldn’t think, which would have been the case previously.
I’m loving sayiny “no” and not having to deal with the resultant kick off. That’s freed my mind up to think about other stuff. Preparing to say no took up so much of my headspace.
100% agree with this.
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Yes. That having to say ‘no’ which always brought confrontation is something I still struggle with. I’m getting better but I still feel myself compromising when I should just come out and say ‘no’. Or when I do manage to say ‘no’ I’m faced with anxiety and guilt. It’s taken a while to adjust to the fact that I have every right to assert myself and put myself first.
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