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    • #101714
      Findmyself
      Participant

      Hi I have struggling really badly with flashbacks, nightmares, anger(verging on rage), crying for no reason, and anxiety which is waking me, since the start of the year. The doctor suggests complex PTSD although hasn’t diagnosed.
      With the current restrictions I am shielding due to being immunosuppressed and haven’t been outside the door for 5 weeks. I think lockdown is giving me time to reflect on everything and making these emotions more intense. I’m not sleeping or eating well. I don’t feel suicidal and recognise this is probably part of the healing process. I was attending a support group prior to lockdown which was really helping and I am on the waiting list for counselling. I am wondering what things I can do to help myself at the moment whilst outside support Is stretched and short. I have tried watching YouTube videos on coping strategies but find I can’t take it all it they move too quickly. When I read through posts sometimes people are suggesting books etc for people to read I was wondering what these are and also what others do to get them through the dark times. ( my support network is non existent I have no friends or family to reach out too)

    • #101720
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hello Findmyself, you are so right that what you are going through is normal, it’s your body and brains way of processing everything. The thing is you’ve got nothing to distract you from those emotions because of the restrictions. Have you tried colouring in books, or knitting,crocheting, baking,pot planting, there’s nothing to beat getting your hands dirty then seeing those wee shoots peep through the soil,or eat fresh made baking, even if it doesn’t look perfect, cos let’s be honest it’s home baked not machine produced. As to eating, what does well mean to you? We’re brought up to eat 3meals a day we have to eat this this and this. Why don’t you eat whatever you fancy at this moment in time. Like cereal have it for dinner, fancy icecream have a wee tub, not a big one. It’s about being kind to yourself,not putting anymore pressure on you than needs to be. I only fill my fridge with food I like now, and go shopping only when I can’t make anything else it of what’s there.i don’t totally fill it either, in refuge I’ve only got a fridge with small freezer compartment, its been perfect. No microwave either, which I now realise I can actually live without. Taken to cooking scrambled eggs on the stove again,oh they taste so much nicer, heat beans up, have cooked my porridge. Yes the pots messy, but so
      would the bowl be we’d used in the microwave. Reading material,I was doing well there fir a while, was reading a whole book. Now I’ve 4 on the go, can’t get into anyone of them. My go to books are why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft, living with the dominator by pat Craven, I also downloaded the women who run with wolves, been reading it off and on fir over a year. It’s senior how we’ve lost our ability to listen to oor inner wild woman, there’s fairy tales from around the world with the meaning behind those tales. Sometimes I could only read a magazine but I made it a special time. Glass of wine, some chocolate I’d coory up on the couch read all those tips we already know about. Have you tried some relaxing meditation when you’re in the bath, or your bed if you’ve not got a bath. Even letting the water hit off you in a shower, just sit on the floor letting it gently patter over you is relaxing.
      Keep posting, even in the wee small hours, someone eil reply at some point.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

    • #101725
      Whodat
      Participant

      Hi findmyself, completely normal feelings, I think most women here have experienced this. It does take a really long time but it will eventually pass. I did a lot of deep breathing exercises to help with anxiety, while reminding myself its anxiety not a heart attack,reassuring myself. I also found exercise helped, like hard exercise!! Hiit is brilliant if you can do it,you don’t need equipment and there are loads of videos on YouTube. It releases endorphins and for 30min your to focused on trying to breathe to think about other things. If you aren’t able to do that maybe try yoga. The Lundy book is brilliant and defo worth a read it describes these men’s behaviour why they do it and why you respond as you do. These men are all the same after all. I spent a lot of time reading on here aswell, we will be your support system so post on here as much as you need to. We all understand and talking helps process things, takes the power out of it. I can now laugh at everything that happened to me,not because it’s actually funny but he is so ridiculous, ehat an embarrassment a grown man behaving in such a way. The rage was a real issue for me it lasted the best part of a year and then one day I woke up and it was gone just like that. You’ve every right to be raging,it’s normal after what he did to you. I felt anger at myself aswell for allowing it but the Lundy book totally changed my thinking on tha.. you will get better it’s just a long process but you will be so much stronger after this!!!!

    • #101732
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi FindMyself……first – Big Hug to you!! It might help if you have a routine/schedule. You could write it out and put on the wall. Exercise of some kind – even if it’s just stretching. I suggest Tai Chi video on youtube called “Tai Chi 5 Minutes a Day Module 01 – easy for beginners”. She talks slowly, easy to follow. Music is important. Make yourself a playlist of what songs soothe you, make you happy. Journaling is very good for you right now. Write it down or type it out. Draw pictures of your feelings. A good video for ptsd is – “CBT for PTSD: Example of how grounding techniques can be used in therapy”. Try and eat regularly, small meals but nibbling every few hours. Stay hydrated, your body will hurt if you don’t. Take any B vitamins if you have them. Write out an affirmation letter to yourself….saying your goals, positive things about yourself, etc. Read that aloud first thing in morning and before sleep. Look up relaxing music for sleep on youtube. There are soo many, use those to sleep by. Going to look up some more stuff for you, back in a bit. Stay with us, we are here for you. Stop by the Sanctuary Cottage on here, might make you smile and visualize..

    • #101733
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I’ve just finished Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas – amazing book in an easy-going style to read. Can’t recommend highly enough.

      Hugs all x x

    • #101738
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Okay, I’m back. Also know that what you are going through is basically your psyche and your body trying to get rid of something that is basically foreign and harmful to you so it’s totally natural.

      This woman is really good, she has lots of videos, here are a couple…”How to Turn off the Fight, Flight, Freeze Response: Anxiety Skills #4″

      “Daily Habits to Prevent Depression During Stressful Times- Coronavirus or Covid-19 Depression”

      Also I would suggest to make your environment peaceful, calming and nice to look at. If you have anything in your area that reminds you of something traumatic, then pack it away, even if you put it all in a corner with a sheet over it, just out of your line of sight. If you need to re-arrange anything, then do it. What your eyes see all the time, is important. So make it something you like and makes you feel good. I know when I am feeling messy inside my area tends to look messy, so if I organize it and tidy it up it makes me feel calmer.

      Putting an elastic band around your wrist is also good. Not one that cuts off circulation however but just tight enough to stay on. Snap it when you feel yourself going into a dark place or when thoughts are racing, just pull it out and pop yourself. It will sting but it brings you back into the present moment so you can ground yourself.

      Smells are important so find something in your house you like to smell and just put it on the stove in some water and heat it up. I personally love cinnamon and cloves. So I can put that on and it puts a wonderful smell in the air that calms me. Mint is also good to grind up in your hands, whether it’s in some tea you have or whatever just having that smell on your hands all the time can be soothing.

      Audible.com has a big library and a 30 day free trial as well. But lots of things to listen to there. Look up “Emotional Detox” and you’ll see alot of other ones.

      This is an interesting read – “Groundbreakers: My Journey Healing Trauma, Unleashing Anger, and Awakening the Vagus Nerve”

      Really think about doing a schedule for yourself and you don’t strictly have to adhere to it, of course it can be flexible and has to be and you can re-write it every day, whatever works but I do find it helps when your emotions are all over the place to have this daily plan for yourself. It’s also fun to write out. Today I will do this kind of exercise, then what will I eat when I need to eat it, what am I going to read, Journaling, sketching, picking my playlist of music, etc. It’s a self-caring thing and you need to be active about doing that. It’s calming in and of itself because you’re telling yourself by doing this that – it’s going to be okay and you are working through it, walking through it instead of huddled up in a ball or going round and round.

      I remember this well a few times in my life. I do have chronic ptsd but it is under control. It only comes out when something traumatic happens to me now. But I know what to do so it doesn’t linger. Just a natural reaction for me and I recognize it as that. It’s a step at a time, a day at a time, okay?

      Oh and one more thing – cleansing breath……this is really good when in a panic. Sit, feet firmly on the ground. Breathe in through your nose slowly and deeply filling up your lungs, mouth shut. Hold and then breathe out through your mouth very very very slowly while doing a very forced Ahhhhhhhh……so you make that breath out last as long as you possibly can. Takes a few tries to get the hang of it. People want to do it too fast. LOL! But do that until you feel more calm. It works. It’s also great for detoxing your lungs.

    • #101763
      Findmyself
      Participant

      Thank you all it’s so nice just to have someone to reach out too. I have no one I can be truthful with about what is happening and spend most of the day pretending everything is ok -even when I have waves of anxiety and feeling sick. There are lots of suggestions here I will make a list and see what works for me. I find it really difficult to think of positives at the moment and I keep getting dragged back to the negative. I’m going to try having some positive things written down to try at these times.
      My teenagers have been particularly difficult during the lockdown and are blaming me for the whole situation with quarantine. My rational brain sees through this and knows they are just hitting out however, some of what they are saying is what he used to say which is why I believe the nightmares have been so intense right now.
      IWMB answering your question with the eating- I have no appetite what so ever and have to force myself to eat something everyday there are no foods I want to eat or enjoy. Some days I literally forget to eat if I don’t have to cook for the kids. I have lost 4 stone in the last year which isn’t excessive, but not something I want to continue.
      I have ordered the Lundy Bancroft book today we try and read this.
      Thank you all again and take care of yourselves too xx

    • #101767
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Don’t beat yourself up with the appetite thing. Eat what you want when you want, it will settle down. If you’ve not eaten, don’t stress, you’ll eat when you’re hungry. I’ve fought a weight problem all my life, partly mine, definitely his. My weight is fine now, up and down but not to the extremes it was. You may lose more than you’d like, but it will settle down.
      You’re doing great, remember how far you’ve come
      IWMB💞💞

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