Living my life flat

[Millionpieces]

Dear all,
I am so sorry I haven’t been able to post anything for few months I only open the page and reads some post. I feel there’s nothing interesting in my life. I still feel so bad about my self, I haven’t find my confidence, always not sure what should I do. But if see my self 6mobths ago I am so proud of my self see where I am now. I was in suicide stage, I just kept saying to my self to hold on, to live one more day, and hoping that everything will changed. It was so hard, and even now he is gone, he’s not able to hurt me anymore but I still not feel good about my self yet. I have no confidence. I need to love my self more, as I have trust issue. I don’t even know how to act infront of men, And I always think that all men are like my ex. It’s to scarrry.

[Anonymous]

Dear Millionpieces, you are doing fantastically well. I remember when I used to read your posts before, I used to feel like crying at your sadness, it was so apparent from your words. I think that a lot of women, myself included, on this site feel sad, lonely empty and that their is a big gap in their lives. I try to think about how I am now and how I was in the past when I with the abuser, the emotions and feelings are very different. i.e

With the abuser i was: on edge, frightened, over compromising, highly anxious, highly needy, highly suspicious, full of hate, full of revulsion, highly jealous………………

Without the abuser and single I am: mainly ok, calmer, would like a cuddle & sex occationally!, feel optimistic, feel focussed, need to work on comfort eating, sleeping better.

I think in the big scheme of things I am living a much more positive life than before, no more of those horrible STRONG negative emotions. And its still like you, early days. There have been some posts on here lately, one was called something like you don’t need a man for a social life, something like that. You may find it helpful to read those posts. Perhaps try to read over some of the posts that you’ve missed since you have been away. X*X

[Millionpieces]

Thank you itshisproblem,
I am totally agree, I feel brand new, someone different when I was with him. Yes I miss cuddle, I have no family here but I am so lucky to have few good friends that I can get the comfort when I needed. I haven’t even able to think about man. I promised my self I would not Rush into another relationship and I would like to be in healthy relationship. To be single might be scary for some people but after I have been through really bad one I feel so much happier, calm, and happy just be me.
I will look for the post you meant.
MP X

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