Living with a two faced thing

[Cornflake]

Hi this is my first post. I regularly read the posts as I feel so passionately about abuse against women especially in a domestic setting (as you all do on here) I’ve been married for a lot of years, far too many. I have no love for him, I fact I detest him. I feel trapped, mainly because I have no back bone and never have had. Tonight I have the usual knot in my stomach with the painted smile on my face. I know this just sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself, but yes I am, what a mess.😪

[Whyohwhy]

It’s really hard when you know you no longer want to stay but feel paralysed. I was also with my partner for many years, I started making some plans for what I would do if I ever had the courage to leave. I started keeping important things together, things I wouldn’t want to leave without. I sneaked things out to leave at a family members house. One day I had the final straw, I wasn’t expecting it but I ended up leaving with just my handbag and my daughter. I am slowly getting the rest of my belongings back. I think having a plan in place got my head in the right place to decide to leave even though it didn’t go according to plan. I hope you can find a way out, my life isn’t perfect now but at least I am not constantly walking on eggshells. Xx

[Watersprite]

Welcome cornflake thank you for posting. I’m sorry you feel so trapped but when we are living with two-faced it can really create fog – fear, obligation, guilt all of which make it difficult to leave. I do also wonder if you minimise the way he treats you sometimes? DV is not always physical. How would the nicest man you know treat his partner? I was trapped once but left and certainly not easy but the best bravest safest thing I have ever done. I wish you well on your journey xx

[Lisa]

Hi Cornflake,

Welcome to the forum.
You’ve taken a positive first step in getting help by coming on the forum. Now you can begin to receive direct support from other women who completely understand what you are going through. As it’s been expressed to you already; leaving such a relationship is a process and isn’t easy for all kinds of reasons, so be kind to yourself and allow for that personal ‘journey’ to happen. You say you feel you ‘have no backbone’. Imagine all the emotional, psychological and physical energy it’s taking for you to manage such behaviour in your day to day life. This takes an incredible amount of strength. Now channel this energy to where it’s deserved; for yourself.
Whenever you feel ready, a good place to get more in-depth, hand-on, practical help and advice, would be your local domestic abuse service. You can search for your local here. Hopefully, when you start feeling supported by professionals and become aware you do have options, you will also become more confident and clear in what to do next.
It may be useful to speak to Supportline who offer confidential emotional support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.
I hope this is helpful to you. Please do continue to post here for support.
Take care,

Lisa

[Cornflake]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for the advice given. As with all situations mine has its complications and past opportunities to leave missed. All I do now is spend my time daydreaming about how happy I would be never to see him again but for now that’s all it is, daydreams. Thank you once again.

[nbumblebee]

Hey sweetie you are not alone. Today i admitted that id love him to have an affair because i would then have a reason to leave him. Im so desperate to leave but i wont i cant his control his nastiness his c**p somehow keeps me here to scared to go. You are not alone here. Use this forum listen to these ladies they will help you gain the knowledge and strength you need.
Stay safe x

[Stargazing1]

I am falling more and more out of love for him as each day passes and yet I’m still not feeling strong enough to do what I need to do . I’ve discussed stuff with womens aid once again because even though I’ve been told by them that he is abusive I still question myself. I can’t put into words what it’s like but it’s like I’m saying no it’s not and someone is saying yes it is . Now I’m stuck for words .

[Anonymous]

Cornflake you have a backbone, if you didn’t you’d be living underwater as a jellyfish, your self esteem is just super low from the years of abuse you’ve been given, we’ve all experienced it, plus if you didn’t have a backbone you’d never have had the guts to come on the forum, I went right under a few days ago to an almost dangerous extent but with the help of the little angels on by here and pushing myself a bit I got back up again and you will too, we’re all supporting each other, you can do it, you just need to remember who who are, what you deserve/don’t deserve and who deserves to have you in their life/space or not.💋🤗💐

[Author]

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