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    • #45820
      hazelnutlatte
      Participant

      My husband has PTSD as well as a range of other mental health issues.
      We have a child and mostly seem fine. But he gets into these rages where he scares the life out of me. I’ve developed bad anxiety as a result. I have so far tried to:
      Discuss it – but he refuses to acknowledge it.
      Offer help: but he thinks he is just unhappy because he doesn’t have enough hobbies and wants more time out to do stuff he loves.
      Ignore it: but it doesn’t stop
      Stand up to him: but it escalates it

      I’m not in a financial position to leave and I don’t think our child is in any danger as this is only directed at me. I have considered asking him to leave temporarily to work on himself but I’m scared I won’t afford the bills without him.
      I feel like I have no options. And I am scared I won’t be believed if I tell anyone because he’s liked by the people around me. Sometimes I get so anxious that I can’t move. He uses this to his advantage because at least this way he can say I’m the crazy one, not him. I also recognise that he has a serious illness and that this needs to be handled with care.

    • #45821
      Janedoeissad
      Participant

      Hi Hazelnutlatte

      It sounds like you have been very caring and tried everything you can to help your partner but what have you been doing to help yourself? At the end of the day you can not save him and he has to recognise that although it is ok to be ill, it is not ok to take it out on you or use being aggressive to you as a coping mechanism.

      At the very least you should get yourself some help with your own stress and anxiety.

      You should not have to live in fear and maybe you leaving would show your partner how unacceptable his behaviour is and that he does actual need to get help. You say he only directs his anger towards you but surely your child is scared by his behaviour. As someone who had an angry relative in the household as a child I can tell you that at times I was terrified, even though the anger was never ever directed at me.

      Has he ever thought that by getting help he would feel better himself and life would get easier, why should he want to stay ill? If he had broken his leg he would get medical treatment? This is no different.

      I hope I have helped in some way. Sending hugs to you. Keep posting and keep talking. It all helps

    • #45822
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there, just reading your post, has he had a diagnosis from a professional for his PTSD. He can obviously control his PTSD around everyone else but you? That makes me question what is really going on. My ex used to blame alcohol for his abuse but it was only ever me who was abused. He managed to control his temper with everyone else. I think you should ring the helpline number on here or get in touch with your local women’s aid. I have PTSD diagnosed by a clinical psychologist and I can tell you when it was really bad I couldn’t decide when it came on and who was witness to it. My ex always used to say that I couldn’t survive financially without him. Utter nonsense. Abusers are excellent manipulators and liars x

    • #45825
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      very true KIP… Can you see particulars patterns that lead to his anger? I am not convinced he has PTSD, has he been diagnosed with it. I can’t stop others from seeing my bizarre reactions so much so that I avoid so many situations. Is he functioning normally outside the home and towards the children?

      Him behaving like this to you is not only traumatising for you but for your children too. Sending you strength to go with your gut feeling on this. He will still need to support his children financially.

      There is only so much you can do and without a doubt you can be so lost in the PTSD you have no idea whats going on and feel continually under threat, but it is he that needs to decide to do something about it or not, and sometimes it does take something major to make that shift. Also if its PTSD it could be a very long road before his mood is more reliable or he gets help with it as there are waiting lists.

      Him having PTSD isn’t a reason for yourself and your children to stay around him, you always need to feel safe regardless of how much you might want to help him to get help.

      take care

      warmest wishes KSx

    • #45826
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Has he had this since you met him? and when/what is his PTSD from? If he has a diagnosis i wonder how he doesn’t accept it, or are you saying that he has PTSD, or does he blame PTSD for his outbursts at you?

      I believe it can surface at any time in many ways and present from different triggers for different people but aversion to loud noise is fairly common I think, and being extremely jumpy, like if a door bangs or if a person appears suddenly, i have managed to tolerate some noises but still get caught by surprise and am mortified by my reaction, like shouting (and swearing) in shops, does he do anything like this?

    • #45828
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi

      If you are not safe neither is your child.

      Some use metal health issues as an excuse to be abusive.

      I think you should explore your options, find out what support financially and emotionally is out there for you. Knowledge is power.

      FS X

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