13th July 2021 at 7:55 pm #128735Lioness1234Participant
Hi I am new here and wanted to share my current experience. I don’t have any friends and only my mum and dad for support.
I have been with my fiance for x years. It started a while ago where we had been for a couple of drinks he got insecure,to me, very randomly I thought we were happy and trusting of one another. (Detail removed by moderator). and when we came home that night he tried snatching my phone off me. When I refused he proceeded to punch a hole in the wall, rip the (detail removed by moderator) off the wall and pushed me to the floor smashing (detail removed by moderator). The pice were called I should have pressed charges but I didn’t. He came home and blamed the alcohol. I chose to work through it. Everything was then great for a few months. He then joined my gym, started to challenge me on why (detail removed by moderator) personal things. He would sulk and ignore me if I refused sex. (Detail removed by moderator) he tried ending his life (detail removed by moderator) after arguments. I found him the (detail removed by moderator). He had accused me of (detail removed by moderator) work colleague (detail removed by moderator). Again drink was involved he blamed that then also his traumatic past. We worked through it. I felt sorry for him and wanted to support him. (Detail removed by moderator) ago we had a disagreement he gripped me (detail removed by moderator) and said he was going to kill himself. I calmed the situation. Again he had been drinking and blamed the drink the next day. (Detail removed by moderator) he accused me of (detail removed by moderator) which led to an argument he then hit me across the face and knocked me unconscious for a few seconds. I am now leaving. It has taken me a while to find a house. But also to admit the truth. I think I have wanted it to work so badly whilst being in denial. Currently there’s lot’s of love bombing he can’t do enough for me. Saying how much he loves me. he is now going to (detail removed by moderator) and seeing friends i think to show me he is getting on with it and its me with the problem. He does not know I am leaving and I have a safety plan in place. I will also be going to the police. I don’t have friends I can turn to and I don’t want to keep putting on my parents as they are older and have their own problems. I just needed to let this out and hopefully gain some moral support. I feel very low and anxious all at the same time.
I think you are all so strong and amazing. Lots of love x*x
13th July 2021 at 8:41 pm #128738KIP.Participant
Hi there and welcome. It’s very brave of you getting that exit plan in place and that’s going to induce real anxiety but the main thing is he doesn’t find out. Are you in touch with your local woman’s aid? They can support you through this. You can also talk to your GP and also the police before you leave as men like this often stalk and cause problems post separation. There was another post recently about a partner who harmed himself and blamed his wife. It’s common too for abusers to threaten suicide. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven?
14th July 2021 at 9:53 pm #128830littledoveParticipant
The women on this forum are wonderful ladies who have helped me through so much.
I’m sorry you don’t have friends to turn to for support. We are all here for you.
You are such a brave and strong woman for leaving him. Well done!
Contact your local women’s aid – they are amazing for support too.
And your GP to help with the trauma of all you have been through.
You are right to contact the police for your safety.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all thought things would get better each time we went back and we listened to the poor excuses for why they acted how they did. But I’m glad you’ve seen the light and know you deserve a better life.
Take this time to work on yourself, heal and love yourself. Do things you enjoy and lift your spirits. Do things he wouldn’t let you do. Take up new hobbies. And maybe meet some new friends along the way.
You have a whole new life just waiting for you. I wish you all the best. Do give us an update xx
28th July 2021 at 8:52 pm #129391Lioness1234Participant
Thankyou both for your very supportive and kind words. Sorry I haven’t responded sooner I just took some time out
I will certainly look into the book recommended KIP.. and Littledove again thankyou i will certainly take your advice. I hope you are doing ok. Take care ladies. Much love x*x
30th July 2021 at 8:17 am #129420LozzyXParticipant
Lioness hope you are safe. One thing they all have in common is it’s always someone else or something else that is to blame… The drink made them do it, we made them angry etc etc.
Please please please take it from me, who has forgiven their partner for their substance misuse and unstable behaviour for way too long as they are SO convincing that they are the good guys (laughable!), they NEVER change. You seem clued up on his tactics and know what love bombing is so just keep your focus on your end goal now , stay strong and keep safe xx
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