This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  mamasita 2 weeks ago.

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  • #111051
     Notyourbarbiegirl 
    Participant

    Hi,

    I have recently separated from my husband, (detail removed by Moderator).

    I just feel really lost and alone and scared all the time, am I doing the right thing? We have a (detail removed by Moderator) who is with me and I know I’m doing right by him but I’m just all over the place. One minute I miss my husband the next I feel nothing. I’m so confused.

  • #111052
     Turtledove 
    Participant

    Hi Notyourbarbiegirl

    This is normal to feel like this. It will get easier though I promise. The first days of weeks will feel tough but in the long run you have your life back and your child can now live a normal life in a safe and happy environment. Do you have any friends or family nearby? Xx

  • #111056
     Notyourbarbiegirl 
    Participant

    Hi Turtledove

    Yeah my family and friends are close but I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.
    I just wish I could rewind time and start again.

  • #111057
     iliketea 
    Participant

    Hi, hope you’re ok. Have you got any support in place? Local domestic abuse service, womens aid, GP? It would be a good idea to contact them and arrange this. Do you feel scared of him? If so, is that something that you can speak to the police about to get safety measures in place?

    Yes, its normal. If you got to the stage when the abuse was bad enough for you to leave, Im reckoning yes, it was the right thing for you and for your child. No woman takes that decision lightly and I’m betting the abuse went a lot further than when you first realised it was abuse. Its ok, its normal. What I mean is, yes, you have done totally the right thing. Noone has to stay in a relationship if they are unhappy. Noone. Its a basic human right to be free. You have taken that freedom. For you and for your child.

    A lot of what you are feeling is also uncertainty. Until you get a routine and a normal life back in place for you and your son you will feel like this. I think its good to recognise it and go with it, and work out the best way to manage it. Can you get help with childcare? Can you stay with friends or family? To take the load of you and give you a chance to have some space for you, to think and to regroup?

    Of course you’ll feel lonely, and alone, you’ve been married and you thought you were going to be a couple for life, and now that’s not the case. Its really sobering. It takes your breath away. There’s a long period of grief. But like the death of someone, in time it will fade, it will get less. And ultimately you know all the reasons why you left, and it was for the best.

    Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of strength. Keep posting here, its a supportive forum, its a bit quiet lately, maybe people have gone on holidays, but there will always be someone to jump in and help out. x*x

  • #111071
     Bingowashisname0 
    Participant

    I completely understand your statement about wanting to go back in time… this first part of breaking free is so conflicting in terms of emotions. I’m not quite (detail removed by Moderator) weeks out of it and every day I miss him. I yearn, I question my reality of events… then I talk to one or two trusted friends and I come crashing back down to earth and remember that there’s a seriously good reason I called it a day. In time those lonely scared thoughts and feelings will go, but this bit is tough I know. Surround yourself with support and positive influences. Keep reaching out on here, find a counsellor through local services (I’m finding talking to the right people really helpful). Remember to keep reminding yourself that eventually things will look up and you will have a good life that you really do deserve.
    You get one life. You are worth having happiness. It feels scary and lonely now, but it won’t be forever.
    Take care and look after yourself x*x

  • #111092
     mamasita 
    Participant

    Hi there, you will have days where you just don’t know if you can take it. But you can. You really can, look what you have survived, what you have taken yourself away from. YOU did that despite what he did, YOU are phenomenal for getting yourself this far. Every day you stay away, a tiny bit of you becomes stronger. Every day that bit gets stronger and and with time, you will be a whole lot of strong woman! I have been in three abusive relationships, had my head messed about with, confused as hell. But you can get to where I am, you can learn about yourself, be your own best friend. I don’t know if I am allowed to mention this on here but I started watching Pat Cravens You Tube Channel every time I felt like contacting him. It reminded me of what he was all about, I spoke to people. To anyone who would listen, the forum is new to me and I have read some amazing notes of support. Have a look at the channel, she wrote a short simple book called The Dominator, and the channels are short snippets of their programme. It has really really helped me and I wouldnt be writing this now if I didnt research and read up about how these situations work and how they make us feel – you are not on your own xxxxx

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