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I keep just telling myself I need out but havnt sorted any long term plan. My heads fuzzy. I wouldn’t take my kids to refuge I think it would be too much. Rents in the area r so expensive I got such a shock when I was as looking at prices I’m only working part time due to childcare. Our home is join owned so I know at some point I could get some money from the sale but I couldn’t tell him I’m leaving so how could we sell a house together I would be happy to leave him in it and not get a penny if it means getting out. Any idea on my next steps xx
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Hey better days its amazing you are thinking this through. My PT and counsellor tell me that i need to leave ladies on here tell me i need to leave in my heart i know i need to leave but I cant even begin to think about it.
My advice to you would be to talk to a professional womans aid or even a solicitor im sure i read somewhere you get a free half hour maybe womans aid can help you find one that specialises in abuse? Arm yourself with as much knowledge and understanding as you can the more you know and understand about the financial side maybe just maybe you will feel in a better state with regards to this part of leaving.
Sorry i couldnt be of more help sweetie its amazingly brave you have come to this point keep taking those steps away.
Stay safe xxxx -
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Hi Better-days
Your first steps would be:
Housing advice. Your Local dv charity should be able to help you with this and with a safe exit plan. Your local authority has a duty to rehouse you if you are leaving an abusive relationship. Your Local dv charity or women’s aid should be able to talk you through the process and get you out safely. Some charities will offer practical support with forms and liason. You can find your local dv charity from the WA directory. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/ Leaving is the most dangerous time for women – even if the abuse has not previously been physical so you should not let him know your plans until you have left.
Get legal advice. As nbumblebee said, some solicitors offer a free half hour consultation and from experience the half hour is best used to interview the solicitor to try and ensure you get a good one.
Line up friends and relatives who would be prepared to have you and the kids. You may experience a period of homelessness. This is not as terrifying as it sounds, especially if you have supportive friends/family. It can actually be a lifeline of support. Choose carefully though. Some friends may let you down if they find it hard to believe he’s abusive.
Put an overnight bag together and keep it somewhere safe. (Maybe with a friend or stored somewhere he won’t look). Include a change of clothes and toiletries but also include important documents e.g. passports, birth certificates, NI number, council tax bill (proof of address), marriage certificate if you have one, phone charger. Once you’ve made the decision to go he may sense a change in you and his behaviour may become erratic. You probably won’t need a rapid exit but have a bag ready just in case.
It sounds like a lot of first steps but they are manageable. Packing a bag takes 30 mins and once you’ve got the ball rolling with the other three things, they just sort of tick along.
Finally, stay in touch with the forum. It was my lifeline – literally at some points.
Big hugs.
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Hi Better-days
Your first steps would be:
Housing advice. Your Local dv charity should be able to help you with this and with a safe exit plan. Your local authority has a duty to rehouse you if you are leaving an abusive relationship. Your Local dv charity or women’s aid should be able to talk you through the process and get you out safely. Some charities will offer practical support with forms and liason. You can find your local dv charity from the WA directory. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/ Leaving is the most dangerous time for women – even if the abuse has not previously been physical so you should not let him know your plans until you have left.
Get legal advice. As nbumblebee said, some solicitors offer a free half hour consultation and from experience the half hour is best used to interview the solicitor to try and ensure you get a good one.
Line up friends and relatives who would be prepared to have you and the kids. You may experience a period of homelessness. This is not as terrifying as it sounds, especially if you have supportive friends/family. It can actually be a lifeline of support. Choose carefully though. Some friends may let you down if they find it hard to believe he’s abusive.
Put an overnight bag together and keep it somewhere safe. (Maybe with a friend or stored somewhere he won’t look). Include a change of clothes and toiletries but also include important documents e.g. passports, birth certificates, NI number, council tax bill (proof of address), marriage certificate if you have one, phone charger. Once you’ve made the decision to go he may sense a change in you and his behaviour may become erratic. You probably won’t need a rapid exit but have a bag ready just in case.
It sounds like a lot of first steps but they are manageable. Packing a bag takes 30 mins and once you’ve got the ball rolling with the other three things, they just sort of tick along.
Finally, stay in touch with the forum. It was my lifeline – literally at some points.
Big hugs.
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