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    • #173727
      SnowdropAndCrocus
      Participant

      This feels like such a small thing, but for the first time in years, I am actually looking forward to my birthday.

      In my last relationship, my ex partner would always make me feel awful about Christmas and my birthday. He would constantly make it seem like such a pain to have to buy me something, and if I ever expressed that I wanted something for my birthday, he’d make me feel greedy or materialistic. He also would complain about me wanting to do anything for my birthday, making it seem like such a hassle to have to travel or go out anywhere. Eventually I stopped asking, but he would still make a big to-do every single year – it made the holidays so draining for me.

      My birthday is coming up soon (my first after that relationship ended) and I am feeling so relieved I don’t have to deal with all that hassle! I can just look forward to the day and the plans I have made with my family, friends and my new partner. I was never able to have friends so the fact I now have plans with a whole bunch of them – wow!! Everyone has made me feel so loved and appreciated during this time. I’m so happy that I have this day for me back – my ex partner really did ruin it for so many years, but now I am free of the rain cloud he always brought, and am even luckier to have a whole new bubble of people to share it with. Life gets better when you have the right people in it <3

    • #173738
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      Congratulations on your birthday and on your new life. You should absolutely have a day where it’s about you, without being made to feel like you’re selfish or ungrateful. That’s what a birthday is for.
      What a horrible time being made to feel that way. Like you’re a chore or it’s hassle. My husband hasn’t bought me anything for Christmas or birthdays for years. He says he feels he spoilt me too much to begin with and it’s made me who I am so he stopped giving me things in the hopes it would change me. He also says he doesn’t get me anything as we have a comfortable life (to a degree). Like that means you shouldn’t have any appreciation. I don’t bother asking him to explain and always just accepted it, but then when someone else is thoughtful it really feels strange! And you feel so grateful someone is valuing you instead of criticising. So happy for you.

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