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    • #77902
      leeshwa
      Participant

      I’ve decided enough is enough and i’m looking into leaving.
      I just really need to post this to vent and hear from people who may have been through the same thing.

      My partner has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me for months, and has been physically abusive a couple of times (yanked my hair), hes awful with money, hasn’t paid his share of the bills for months, even though he only has to pay council tax and utilities, as I pay everything else including food, car bills, home insurance, wifi, tv licence etc… and on top of this, he expects me to bail him out every month for his phone bill, and to pay off the remainder of his drug debts…
      If I don’t he gives me absolute hell and I give in to make things stop.
      I’m now in 8 grand worth of debt, 200 of that is payday loans he took out in my name without telling me!

      I feel stupid for letting him do this to me for so long, but you might understand how hard it is to get out.

      I’m sick of feeling worthless, and being spoken to like sh*t.

      I’ve told him how he makes me feel more times than I can remember and it never changes, I’ve even developed an anxiety disorder because of it.

      But now i’m about to be transferred to another store for work, back to my home town (not far from where I am now), so I feel like it’s the perfect time to leave in the next month or so.
      I’m just scared to be honest, I know he will make things really difficult for me and wont pay the rent if I leave (i’m a named tenant on the agreement, therefore liable), and almost everything in the house belongs to me, with exception of the bed, TV stand and computer.
      I really don’t know what he’s capable of, and he could get violent towards me if I tell him i’m leaving, but if I go without making arrangements with him, I know there’s almost no chance he will let me come back to get my stuff.
      I really don’t know what to do…

      I won’t go back to my parents even though they would have me back in a heartbeat, I just don’t want to cause disruption to them anymore, so I will most likely move into a studio flat or some kind of shared house, and I’ve worked out exactly what I can afford, and honestly I could do it comfortably by myself.

    • #77908
      smallhouseblues
      Participant

      I’m in a similar situation, leeshwa, so this really resonated with me. What a leech! I don’t think someone can take a payday loan in your name without your consent, so might be an option to contest it? I’m also scared to leave, but I suppose we just have to slam that chapter shut and move on to a life worth living.

    • #77915
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Hey, could you get him out of the way for a bit, get him to go and visit friends or family? Mad idea. Just thinking if you got a new place lined up then it would really just be about moving your stuff without him finding out. When I looked at getting a removal company to do mine it actually wasn’t as much as I imagined and they were going to pack it all up for me, all in one day! Could you do a moonlight flit?

      Maybe after you’ve gone visit the agency and tell them you want your name removing from the tenancy, that you had to move out quickly due to the abuse.

      Maybe speak to WA about this and cits. advice? See what can be done about the existing tenancy x

    • #77952

      Also there is a most brilliant independent organisation which advises on what to do with loan sharks.
      They will take your call in confidence completely and will advise on the issue I am sure of someone else taking this out in your name….
      It is a national organisation,
      not allowed to post here the name but you should find it online. Would think it extremely unlikely you have to pay it back if that is what happened, and they often find ways to tackle things when they have been missold…

      Also, you should be able to join a local credit union for £1 only.

      This is really useful as back up they are much better to borrow from and it will give you more confidence and security going forward.

      Most do loans for people who have to wait for benefits.

      Sounds like you have worked out a budget, so that’s good.

      ftc
      x

    • #77953

      meant to say,
      I am sure they will advise what to do on this aspect specially if someone took it out in your name…there are female advisors and are clued up if you want to speak to a woman particularly.
      ftc
      x

    • #77954

      just google loan sharks

    • #77955

      sorry google stop loan sharks meant to say

    • #78173
      leeshwa
      Participant

      Thank you for all your kind messages and advice so far.

      Luckily, he works away a fair bit so there will be several days over the next couple of months where he wont be here at all…

      In regards to the debt, i’ve contacted the companies and explained my situation, to no avail. They have however taken off all the interest charges and late payment fees so I only need to pay back the original amount.
      I’ve also taken out an IVA which pays back all my debts at a really low amount every month.

      I feel like this is a step in the right direction

    • #78192
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi and well done in taking a step into controlling your finances, I know from experience how daunting that is, but once in a repayment agreement, it’s amazing the weight that is removed from us. You are under no obligation to pay his debt back at all. Someone took out a catalogue in my name, ran up hundreds of pounds. I went to CAB and they worked on my behalf to go to court. The ‘company’ you’re dealing with, they only want their money back,of course they’ve taken late payments off and stopped interest charges, they don’t want you going to the authorities., they don’t care it was obtained fraudulently. It is not your responsibility. You have no idea how vindicated I felt when the court officer dealing with my case came back to me and said we’d won. At the end of the day the choice is yours, but it’s only letting your oh know that you’re willing to pick up the flack, no matter what he does.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

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