3rd May 2020 at 7:45 pm #102390Ripon123Participant
So confused. Wanted to post In is it abuse but wouldn’t let me.
Sometimes I think it’s terrible abuse, sometimes I think it’s just mild. Sometimes I think I look way to far into things and it’s all in my head. Sometimes I think he means to be awful, sometimes I think he doesn’t even know because of his mental health.
My boyfriend and I live together, he’s kind and lovely. He provides for us because I can’t work due to ill health. Never with a complaint. My family love him and he seems so perfect sometimes.
But then other times almost daily. I feel like he purposely puts me down. He calls me names jokily or seriously out of no where like snaky, selfish. I’ve always done something wrong he needs to pull me up on to “make me a better person.”
The sexually I feel constant pressure to comply. He wants to talk about and do things sexually I don’t. If I say no he will sulk, not touch me, ignore me, say he feels so sad till I give in. Then because I have done in before it makes it harder to say no. Or alternatively he loses it with me.
When we argue or he loses it with me it can be over the smallest thing he’ll go crazy. Swear, scream, shout at me. Calls me awful names, says awful things about or too me. Accuses me of thing that aren’t true. He throw things and punch the walls. Threatens to beat me or kill me. He’s even described how he would kill me. He’s spat at me twice, pushed me over once. But never physically hurt me properly. He threatens to kill himself and says it would be all my fault. Cry’s and it’s just get so crazy intense. I always end up apologising even if I feel I’m right because it just goes on and on or gets worst otherwise. I then spend days grovelling because I don’t want him to feel upset or ignore me.
We can sometimes go ages without any of this though so then I become so confused. I really do love him but feel so sad sometimes. Any advice or similar experience appreciated 💖
3rd May 2020 at 8:24 pm #102392KIP.Participant
Hi, sadly he’s a domestic abuser. Google the cycle of abuse. The power and control wheel. What he’s doing is abusive and illegal. Try to ring the national domestic abuse helpline or your local women’s aid. He chooses to behave this way and he knows exactly what he’s doing. Your family wouldn’t love him if they knew how badly he was treating you. Threats to kill should be taken extremely seriously. You can should to the domestic abuse police for advice.
3rd May 2020 at 9:00 pm #102394IwantmebackParticipant
Hi, we always make excuses fir their behaviour don’t we. But underneath it all these men are abusive plain and simple. By continually making excuses fir their insecurities we are really giving them carte blanch to be abusive. As we stand up to them we become stronger, but that only comes with help,from WA, from our doctor, whoever is there, from learning what abuse is, from educating ourselves, from talking on here, sharing our stories, being there for each other. You’ve took the first steps away from abuse. Keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge is power.
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