18th January 2016 at 4:22 pm #7945MoonParticipant
I feel trapped now and feel like I have to return home 😢
My work have been so unsupportive and said I need to meet with them to discuss my job if I’m not back by next week and I can’t loose my job as have my daughter to support.
My partner has also said (I stupidly spoke to him today) that we can work out our daughter between us and sort this out and we need to meet and and discuss everything before nx week as it’s the child protection conference again.
He said he just wants us o move back into our home and we will be safe he promises.
Just feel that horrible knot in my stomach and keep thinking – what have I done !!!!
It’s easier to return ( he said he has moved out )
Just feel all this last week was a waste of time now 😢😢😢😢
This is the first time I have felt so rubbish
Really need some support right now xx
18th January 2016 at 5:06 pm #7949Confused123Participant
sending u out massive hugs. ok lets look at all options first before u return to him, from what i remember u r in refugee, r u going back to him as u have no childcare help, have u asked refugee support worker what help is available to u in terms of help with childminders, not sure if your child is aged 2 or 3 could she get 15 hours free,if u work 16 hours u would get help from tax credits , worst scenario could u not stay in refugee but u rectulently let him help u with childcare . Worst scenario as depressing as it is u lose your job and tempoarily live on benefits, im just worried after he harmed u that going back does not sound safe, if u do we will all still support u, i thionk u really need to speak to a support worker at womens aid and at refugee, if u can tell me any more details about what is making u having to go back i can ask my support worker for advice who im seeing tommrow, could a friend not help u while u go into workor could u say to your workplace can come in to meet u but my child will be with me, look into all options hun, or what about his family would they not help, i take it your family is far
18th January 2016 at 7:17 pm #7957MoonParticipant
Thsnx for your reply – I dont have any family 😢 And his live hours away. I work shifts so work around his shifts as mine are long hours, also have a childminder where I drop to and she is picked up by partner.
I am far away from home at mo in refuge.
He has promised we will be safe And said the best thing is for us to return to our family home.
I’m sooo torn 😢😢
He says he will move out and what I have done is unforgivable and has ruined our relationship by leaving ??!!
I know that ss will not let us return unless we have orders in place but he is saying we don’t need it And was really nice and calm when I spoke to him.
Just feel that I won’t be able to cope on my own now xx
19th January 2016 at 12:26 am #7972martian29Participant
These men cannot be trusted. I wouldn’t believe for a minute that you would be safe moving back home without orders in place. Most likely he will be MR Nice Guy for a while making you and your daughter feel safe and keeping his distance. As soon as your guard slips, he will be finding excuses to get back into your family home, slowly inching his way back into your life. His abuse will then become worse than ever as you finally had the courage to stand up to him and leave. Is that what you want for your daughter? You could lose her if the SS are involved.
I am sure most of us on here know exactly how you are feeling right now so soon out, lost, depressed, insecure, feeling like the bottom has fallen out of your world. It feels like the only thing that can make you feel better is to return to what you know, even if it was really bad. Don’t feel bad for breaking no contact or being tempted to go back home, it’s perfectly normal, lot’s of have been there time and time again.
Could you not see your GP and take some time off work with stress? I took three months off when I left my abuser. You are dealing with enough right now to have to worry about getting to your job and your daughter probably needs you more than ever.
Hugs and best wishes XX
19th January 2016 at 8:34 am #7978katieloveParticipant
Hi, I totally agree with Martian. It will be very dangerous for you to go back as abuse only gets worse. You also face a high chance of losing your daughter. Ask your doctor to sign you off with stress for a few months. Your life and your daughter are more important. Take some more time to heal inside and out x
19th January 2016 at 3:35 pm #7996White RoseParticipant
Don’t put yourself and daughter at risk by going back. There are ways around this and refuge team will have been in situation before and others on here may have too. Ask in refuge.
Please please don’t go back x*x
19th January 2016 at 10:36 pm #8011SavingmyselfParticipant
Hope Moon and child is safe xx
19th January 2016 at 11:25 pm #8017Confused123Participant
Hope u ok Hun , think best suggestion is sign off sick they can’t sack u then
19th January 2016 at 11:37 pm #8022DaisyParticipant
firstly, well done, despite how horrendous this situation has been for you, you are doing admirably,
X x x
Such a shame pressure from your employer is looking to undo the great steps you have taken to keep you and your little one together and safe.
When you say they are unsupportive, can I ask are they aware of the whole situation you are in?
Of course I know that it’s not easy to talk about what we are going through, especially when we are in such inner turmoil about it ourselves in the early days but there is a big difference between them not understanding because they aren’t fully aware, or not supporting when they are,
Sadly we hear of both on here.
How much or little you feel you want your employer to know is entirely up to you but before returning, especially at such a crucial point please hang in there and go through some options:
Is your employer a big organisation?
Don’t answer here as it gives things away but Just consider it as the bigger the employer and depending in what field there may be policies held regarding d.v that they have to abide by. This needs to be checked out and if you need support the refuge staff should be able to help and guide you, maybe even liase with your employer on your behalf.
My personal feelings here is that you are safer and in a much stronger position being where you are until after the planning meeting.
You had concerns each meeting about probable backlash from him and by getting you and your daughter safe as you have , you have jumped before you were pushed by child services,the positive action you took would be wiped out by returning to potential danger.
Have you spoken to child services- can they not offer advice or liase with your employer?
Or as others have mentioned if you registered with the GP local to refuge, I can’t see why they wouldn’t support you In What you are doing, acknowledge all you are facing and the effects this whole thing is having on you and sign you unfit for work currently, and your employer will just have to accept that, after all it has only been a few weeks, it’s still early days and it happens in life. They will just have to manage without you for longer, as your priority is to you and your daughter’s safety.
Have faith, something will be worked out, one way or another and returning home to where promises mean nothing and come alongside blame still being placed on you for leaving rather than him even slightly starting to accept his part in why you left rings big alarm bells still for your safety,
Your time away isn’t a waste moon, you got safe, now we need to keep chipping away at finding a way round the hurdles in the way of staying safe.
X x x
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