Losing my voice and hopes.

[Beautifully Broken]

Nearly (detail removed by moderator) years later and it’s still happening the abuse continues through my children.
after an amazing weekend with my eldest son looking forward to spending time with the other two after contact. An hour late they dad returns them ruining are plans for the day as normal, my middle son absolutely angry and furious that I have made him go and he as missed out on (detail removed by moderator) my middle son covered in bruises. No one listens nobody sees this me continuously picking up the pieces not wanting to see my children like this threatening to kill themselves. when I reach out for help social workers accuse me of lying. I am trying so hard to give the boys an happy childhood the best I can however picking up the pieces are so draining and tiring. I love them so much but I can’t see them in the pain and hurt that there in as this isn’t fair on them.

I got out to give them a better life however as this happened! when are others going to see this for what it is, when it’s too late.

something needs to change children deserved to be listened too.

[diymum@1]

do you have a court order in place? if he has physically hurt them he should really have supervsised access only – it does depend on there age if their views are taken in to consideration – it might be better to use a contact centre for handover they make everyone stick to set times with staggered drop offs so you dont see him. if the kids dont feel safe to go they can say no to the staff there and they wont be forced. its a loop hole in the system it offers a way out xx much love diymum

[diymum@1]

so you stick to the order and wont be reprimanded but the staff use their child protection protocol its there call xx

[Beautifully Broken]

yes a court order is in place however the children aren’t listened too, even though social workers have seen the distress. anything I say is lies.

[diymum@1]

it might be an idea to get the gp to write a letter for the judge on the grounds that your children are at this point too. social work dont get involved in contact which is rediculous considering its mainly abusive men who use the court system to further abuse – institutionally xx if you dont get the right person for the job ie therapist etc who ever you come up against who dosent understand the dynamics of dv ask for someone more suitable. (detail removed by moderator) there you go theyre every where in the professions we rely on too xx we have to be aware of that xx

[Beautifully Broken]

I get accused by social workers of distressing and emotionally abusing the children doing this and aren’t allowed help without the social workers guidance as they also have parental responsibility, not sure what I can do anymore xx

[diymum@1]

so not even to take them to the gp? xx you could attend though xx

[Beautifully Broken]

I just feel like this is never ending, I can’t do right for doing wrong. I rang the out off hours social workers however they said tomorrow it will go to are allocated social worker xx

[diymum@1]

maybe social work would listen to a solicitor if you get legal advice theyre known to listen to you when you know what your rights are xx he hasnt got the right to bruise your child for sure xx love diymum

[KIP.]

I’m wondering if you keep a detailed journal/diary of all of this. The times that contact is not adhered to. The state the children are in when they do go and when they return. What is said when they do return etc. Also, are you in touch with your local women’s aid? They were a tremendous help to me. Absolutely zero contact with your abuser, this is often when they give up as their only goal is to punish you using the kids and if they cannot see this working then they often give up on contact. So using a contact centre or third party for all communication regarding the children is a good way to go. Get him to email a family member or a friend who is happy to act as a go between.

[Beautifully Broken]

messgaes are been sent through the boys. I have taken pictures however I have been told because of the time scale this isn’t evidence, recording everything does nothing in my experience. I even have said about cameras in my house they wont do it. If I took pictures of my sons bed when he wet it I could of just tipped water on it…..it makes me sick who could even do these thing’s sorry a very bad day. we have a book for communication and text messages only as I refuse any other way. he accuses me off playing silly games when he isn’t sending things back and I’m continuously replacing important thing’s which is affecting us financially…I just don’t know what to do anymore.

[KIP.]

Are you in touch with women’s aid? There is also free legal advice from Rights for Women. Evidence is really important. Keeping a log of everything. Showing a pattern of his behaviour. Don’t know who’s telling you it does nothing. It shows you’re a caring and very concerned parent and that if and when it comes to court you have documented evidence and also visit your gp. Tell them everything. Bed wetting etc. You need to build a picture for the courts and have professionals backing you up. A detailed log from day one would clearly show a pattern of his unreasonable behaviour. Keep going and keep reaching out until you find someone who will help you. NSPCC, women’s aid, your children’s school, gp, children’s charities…. take your son to the doctors. Note the bruises with your GP. Photograph and document the injuries.

[diymum@1]

if they wont listen show them ’21 child homicides’ have a look its written by womens aid. id catagorically tell the professionals invo;ve what if some thing happens to my kids when he has them – bruising means that hes physically assaulting them. ask who will take responsibility if something happens to them – some times to be heard you have to lay it on but physical violence against children can lead to homicide and it has xx much love diymum

[diymum@1]

look at baby P noone listen tey have to take responsibility and stop the contact for the sake of the kids xx GP – therapist and school id be going down there personally with or without ss depending on how it works – its your right to report this to your gp and other relevant people who can back you up xx womens aid xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. You are going through what can only be described as an utter nightmare. Just because these people are professionals does not mean they get it right every time. As DIY says, look at baby P, look at all those poor wee ones who’ve been killed by their dad, because he had parental rights. Definately ask the question “who will take responsibility for my children if they are seriously hurt or killed by him” and get it in writing, tell them you’re not neurotic, you’re not putting words in their mouths, beg them to listen to you. Go to your councillor, your MP threaten them with going to the papers, anything to get them to listen. I know you’re exhausted my friend, this is a road none of us would ever choose, dig deep and fight for your babies, fir their health and their sanity, for the future adults that they’ve yet to become, fight for the future relationships they’ve yet to have, pray that they’ll be loving and kind ones. Dont let the ba….ds win.
IWMB 💞💞

[diymum@1]

i really hope you can do this and i feel like my words for them seem harsh but you are being victim blamed here thats an old physolphy now if the people in ss your dealing with are at retirement age (like it sounds) they might not know any better – asking questions like why does she stay and take that? why is she so against him seeing the kids? why did she have kids with him if she new he was like this? this is victim blaming we stayed because we had no choices – we were scared and we were trauma bonded thats why and who caused this ?the abusive man noone else xx id file a complaint with ss i know someone else who dis this and they listened xx please fight for this youve done nothing wrong here xx much love diymum

[freedomtochoose]

there is an independent organisation to support mums in situations like yours. Blxst can’t remember the name but will google it and post here when I find it
ftc
x

[Beautifully Broken]

I am still trying, social workers just aren’t getting this at all. I don’t even get minutes of meetings or anything. the social workers won’t put anything in writing xx

[Author]

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