Lost

[Lovelivelaugh]

Hi everyone, it’s been the hardest (detail removed by moderator) of my life and feel like I need bit of support. My ex partner has shown abusive behavior shortly after we started dating but I always thought: he had difficult childhood, lots of problems in his family that’s why he’s the way he is.. after lockdown things got really bad and there was nowhere to go, no one to talk to.

We’ve got son together who’s only (detail removed by moderator) now so dealing with this whole situation while looking after our son is challenge. My ex partner asked me to leave when things got bad, packed my stuff and threw them on the street knowing I have nowhere to go. I’m not from Uk, my family is abroad and I left (detail removed by moderator) (where I lived for many years before I met him) for him to move (detail removed by moderator) away from friends to place where I don’t know anyone. He knew I have no one around and yet still instisted I need to leave. I was struggling mentally and couldn’t do it anymore so I found flight back to my home country to seek asylum at my family’s house. Due to covid19 restrictions, no flights operating we couldn’t come back to Uk (detail removed by moderator)

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We are back in Uk now, I lost my job because of the pandemic, he took our home away from me, he kept the car and basically everything. I was initially planning on staying abroad where I come from but I know that’s it’s not right to take our son away from his dad and I knew they would never have relationship if we lived abroad.. and that would break my heart. Also, I know he would blame me for this decision for the rest of my life.

But here’s the thing now: we’re back, ex partner is so angry with me, hates me so much and he’s making sure I know how much he’s upset.. there were some arguments between us, he had big argument with his mother too who was trying to support me. He said he has been thinking about killing himself because I took our son away (even thought I did what he asked for and he did give me permission to leave). The worst thing is I know deep down that he’s really struggling, he’s hurt and heartbroken just like me but I’m trying to do the right thing now. I want our son to keep this special relationship he has now with his dad.. I am really trying, yet I’m still the worst person. We are currently staying at his mum’s place which is kind of her but it’s not easy.. he suggested it but when he saw his mum was trying to understand me more and when she tried to tell him that I’m not such a monster he has massive argument with her and then he said I’m just using her.

I now applied for benefits which I never claimed in my life, also applied for social housing hoping we will be able to get a place. I just feel so tired of this constant battle, no home, no job, struggling with money, feeling lonely and he’s constantly asking what’s the next step, how you gonna make it, you’ve got no one here.. he wants me to fail.

It’s so sad because I thought he’d be happy that I will stay with our son close to him. He is not helping with anything, the idea of him helping me even tiny bit scares him so much. How can one person have so much hate inside them? It’s a struggle living in a place where I don’t know anyone, without my family/support system. Also, we live in not so great place when it comes to jobs etc so now I’m worried how I’m gonna cope with all this.. he said he’ll pay child maintenance but guess what I haven’t seen single penny from him yet.

I guess I’m just looking for some other women dealing with their difficult situations.. what did help you? How did you make it financially? We’re in contact every day so I can’t ignore him and have break from him (because of our son) so I feel stuck. And still in love to be honest.. it’s awful. I just want peace and home again..

 

 

[Lisa]

Hi Lovelivelaugh,

Understandably you are feeling lost and so it’s good you have come here, sharing you experience where hopefully you can get some insight and clarity on what you are feeling emotionally as well as any practical advice on any options you may have.
Rights of Women are a free legal advice service that can give good advice around child contact as well as Coram children’s legal centre, so do try calling them.
I’d also recommend you engage with your local domestic abuse service so you are supported emotionally as well as practically. Being isolated, away from any family, undoubtedly makes you feel even more unable to receive or find help, but please know there are services out there that will understand what you are going through. Search for you r local service here. You could ask a worker to advocate to housing for you to help make you a priority need to be rehoused due to domestic abuse. As you live with your ex and his mother, do be safe when you are making calls and speaking to services. Perhaps do this when they are out or do this when you are out and about.
Turn2us help people access the money available to them – through welfare benefits, grants and other help based on your particular needs and circumstances. They operate a confidential helpline and on their website have an income-related benefits checker, enabling you to check that you receiving all the welfare benefits you are entitled to. The website includes a grants search containing the details of hundreds of grant-giving charities that may be able to provide financial support, information and resources on a broad range of money matters to help you manage your finances.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best moving forward.
Do keep posting to let us know how you get on.

Lisa

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