Lost for words

[meand4]

My ordeal has been over for a number of years and thankfully I have been able to move forward to a certain extent. I was worried about the restraining order being up in the next few years but that is no longer a concern as I have discovered my abuser has died. After I finally left I had a long while of harassment from him but after he was sentaced to prison a few times for this he did give up.he told several people hexwas biding time till the restraining order was up. Well he slipped into a downward spiral that as hard as he tried he couldn’t get him self out of and it has killed him. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about it all I’m partly relieved then I feel guilty about not feeling sad at the waste of life I feel devistated for the children we share them gratefull that they don’t ever have to be hurt by him then I’m back to feeling guilty. Am I suposed to send condolences to his family whilst we didn’t end things im good terms they did left me know before I found out on social media. When we were together I had always hoped this would happenI thourhjt it would bring me peace now it has I’m not sure how I feel about it all

[Lisa]

Hi meand4,

I just wanted to show you some support. It sounds like you are feeling confused and emotional and I just wanted to say that sounds like a perfectly normal and healthy reaction to this situation. It is always sad and shocking when someone dies, particularly a perpetrator as you feel that you are grieving for the person he could have been rather than the person he was and it is tough when you have to explain things to the children. I just wanted to say try to look after yourself at this difficult time. No need to make any big decisions, just be kind to yourself. Perhaps by contacting his family it will then drag you backwards if they then don’t contact you back etc. Perhaps you and the children could do something together to mark this occasion- a special day out, watching a favourite movie together and lighting a candle to talk about your favourite memories of that person. Up to you. You are doing great.

Best wishes,

Lisa
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