28th April 2016 at 10:13 pm #15720
feel like i’ve lost my happy 😢
i was doing so well…practically i’m still doing well, but emotionally i just feel like i’ve lost myself again.
i guess i’m just having a random fragile few days…it feels so frustrating that i can’t shake myself out of it though. i don’t know if i’m sad or just numb.
i just want to be living back in my home city, i have to stay here maintaining the house & paying the mortgage while he drags his feet over the financials…i miss my ‘home’ so much. i just want to be back there now, brief visits every couple of weeks that i can manage around work aren’t enough anymore. it’s so hard to come back here all alone after spending time having fun with my friends & family.
i know it won’t be much longer before i can move back but i just miss my life there so much… i miss who I am when i’m back there. i’m isolated and alone up here, the way he wanted me to be. the only thing i have here is work, i’m working this weekend thank God, when i feel like this and i’m miles away from all my friends & family work is my only lifeline.
i have the most amazing job, hopefully i’ll feel better after a few days work.
so sorry i’m just rambling, i just don’t feel like the me i’ve learnt to love right now… if that makes sense 😢
29th April 2016 at 9:27 am #15798SerenityParticipant
Sorry to hear you have felt bad again. I think a few of us have hit a blip recently.
Comfort yourself in thinking that soon, you will be back to your old home, surrounded by family and friends. Work towards this. Take great comfort in the fact that you have a great job that provides you with income and that you enjoy,but make sure to do enough to self-pamper. Don’t run yourself into the ground.
You can do it x
29th April 2016 at 4:49 pm #15837
Thank you for your kind words of support ❤
I’m going to take your advice and indulge in a bit of pampering to try and relax my mind & soothe my heart x
30th April 2016 at 7:49 am #15888LittleBritishPhoenixParticipant
Oh! Nemo I typed out a long reply yesterday morning but it must have times me out without me realising it and didn’t post! Sorry. (and now I can’t remember everything I said)
I second everything that Serenity said…start little, indulge yourself and just be gentle to you! If it’s sunny where you are, get out in the sun and get some fresh air in you and some sun on your face 🙂
Sending love and light. xx
30th April 2016 at 11:11 pm #15952
Thank you Phoenix, i love the outdoors and am a keen cyclist but now i won’t even walk/cycle to the shop 2 mins around the corner i drive everywhere but even in the car i still feel anxious… i’m so scared of bumping into him because he’s still in the area – deliberately setting up base far away enough to not be breaking his restraining order, but close enough that we still have the same local supermarket, restaurants, bars, etc.
hence him dragging his feet with the financials because while i’m sticking it out maintaining the house financially and in every other way, he has the added control of knowing where i am.
the only place i feel safe is in my home city because he wouldn’t dare show his face there.
i am feeling a little better today after being at work and doing what i love. only (detail removed by Moderator) more days and i will be back in my home city for a couple of days 🏡👪👪🙋💞 😃
my work are really good, because it’s a 24 hour 7 days a week job sector my hours are flexible so they make sure i have 3 days off in a row every 2 weeks xx
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