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    • #93931
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi

      I’m sitting here wrapping presents and I just can’t be bothered with it all.

      I used to enjoy choosing that special little gift that said to the person I love you, I see you, I understand you, but now I just don’t feel anything.

      I know I still love my family and friends but I can’t feel it, I feel completely empty.

      Please tell me that feeling of love and care comes back 😔

    • #93940
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Sure does escapee. Christmas can be great when we’re in the right space for it – some years we’re not, I’ve not done much this year at all, the bare minimum, as I dn’t have the room for it, but that’s fine hey, because I know it won’t always be like this – it feels for me more that I’m taking it off this year and that’s fine hey. Next year I’ll no doubt be back and get some festive fun lined up. Christmas is about relaxing and not doing much at all when in recovery x

    • #93945
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi Fizzlem,

      I just feel hollowed out. I used to be so full of life, laughed a lot and had so much love to give but it’s gone.

      I’ve noticed myself laughing again but the love thing……empty. I would have walked to the ends of the earth and back again if a loved one needed me; now I couldn’t even be bothered to make it to the end of the street!

      I know these relationships rob us of so much and maybe I’m expecting too much from myself but I’m so exhausted 😔.

      I’m pleased you’re being good to yourself and taking time out.

      Thank you for being you xx

    • #93984
      Tiffany
      Participant

      I am usually that person who finds people the perfect gifts. I put hours of work and effort in. Only this year I have been struggling more than usual with my chronic illness. It always gets worse in the winter, but this year it was bad in the autumn too, and I usually rely on getting things done then, so I can manage the things that have to be done later. So a lot of things I traditionally do have not been done.

      In the end, my new (non abusive) partner sat me down and told me that I didn’t have to be perfect, that he and my family knew I loved them, even if they didn’t get the perfect present, or make the Christmas pudding, or write 50 Christmas cards. It didn’t sink in right away, but I have been thinking about it, and part of the drive to make Christmas so perfect, to do all the things, to find the best presents, was to try and prevent the abuse. To be so perfect that my abuser couldn’t spoil Christmas.

      This year I am giving myself permission not to be perfect. I have bought some less than original presents, like beer for my brother, and just picked something off the list of things she wanted for my Mum. But that’s ok. If I am less sick next year, maybe I will do more. If I am more sick, I can do less.

      This is actually the first Christmas so CE the abuse that I am looking forward to. It definitely takes time. But even in my first year out, when Christmas was definitely a strain, it was better than it had been with my abuser, and it had gradually got better.

      Give yourself some space, let yourself not be perfect. Look forward to whatever you have planned, however traditional or untraditional that may be. You are an incredible strong woman. If this year you don’t buy the best gifts, that’s ok. Maybe it will be back next year, but even if it isn’t, that’s ok too.

    • #94032
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi Tiffany 😊

      I’m so happy for you that you have a loving partner that now loves you just for you with no hoop jumping required. 💕

      I’ve done the basics for Christmas but I am saying stuff it as it’s just me this year.

      I just miss feeling the ability to love xx

    • #94036
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      It will come back honey, with a vengeance, but you’ll have to learn to redirect the love and care to yourself to fully charge your own love bucket first. Once full you’ll be able to love and care for others again. If that’s what you wish. Because nowhere is it written that you have to love others. Or be kind. I am sick of people expecting women to be loving and kind based on our gender. Stuff it as you say 🙃 you can be positive and tough, that’s fine too. Be how and who you want to be honey!
      I’ve decided last Christmas not to be generous and kind to my entire entourage anymore instead be selfishly selfish 🙃 and turn the kindness towards myself. I am continuing this year too.
      Perhaps next year I’ll be more social again. But I do enjoy just treating myself for now, it is so unusual and new, I start to get the hang of it 💪👍🎄❄️

      Sending you love 💕

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