Loud noises

[Faraway]

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else can relate to this. When I first got out of the relationship (detail removed by moderator) months ago I was excited, happy and relieved. Lately I’ve been feeling down and my anxiety is through the roof. The thing that troubles me most is loud noises. The kids voices seem to be louder and even when they joyfully play I can’t handle the loud noise. The t.v needs to be on low volume and it makes me think why can’t I handle this? I’m also experiencing strong aversions to any smells like I was when I was pregnant. All my perfumes make me feel sick as well as any body wash or shampoo I use in the shower. I just don’t know where it’s coming from. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

[fizzylem]

Sounds like your senses are hightened and that you aware of your vulnerabilty – can be stressful and sometimes distressing. This happened to me as well, it gets better but it takes time and therapy.

The way I see it is the stress response needs re training, the flight, fight, freeze we all have gets a bit shot, owing to having felt stressed and anxious and stuck in these abusive situations. Ordinarily if we fear something we take flight and get away from the danger, but as these situations repeat, over time your stress response thinks what’s happening here, there is danger why is she not getting out of the way, it kind of feels a bit ignored and what is going on here, and starts to feel faulty. It can also feel like even a small amount of typical every day stress is too much.

The adrenalin produced when we feel stress started to feel like poison to my body x

[Faraway]

Thanks fizzylem, I’m glad to hear that it gets better with time. I just want to enjoy my children without feeling stressed. I’m also a girly girl who loves makeup and perfume but the smells are just to overwhelming at the moment. What you are saying makes sense! Thanks for the info xx

[Fudgecake]

As Fizzylem says these reactions are quite common after you’ve got away. I was happy and euphoric for a time after but then my anxiety and depression went sky high. I think it is a heightened awareness of our vulnerability. Of course everyone is vulnerable but they’ve not been trapped in a situation that creates a permanent fight/ flight response for what could be years. I don’t like loud noises and jump very easily but the permanent high awareness of vulnerability and anxiety is not a permanent state now, more it comes and goes.

[KIP.]

Yes, I also read recently that fluorescent lighting can heighten the anxiety. I wondered why I felt panic in certain shops. It’s the lighting. I often wear earplugs. The soft ones you can buy. It helps lessen the impact of the loud noises and I can still hear what I need to hear. Sunglasses often help too as our eyes can be very sensitive. I also sleep with a radio on low and always had background noise for a very long time. Like the tv. Even when the police were taking my statement I had the radio on. It’s a strange distraction but helps x it does get easier with time, but rears it’s ugly head when I get stressed.

[Faraway]

Thanks fudgecake, it’s reassuring to know your situation was similar but your heightened senses diminished with time. It’s confusing because I was quite euphoric too when he was out of then house then quite a few months later it all hit me. Thanks for the reassurance xx

[Faraway]

Thanks KIP, that’s such a great idea about the earplugs, I will def give that a try because the kids deserve to play and have fun and they can’t understand why the noise is causing me so much stress. The worst is when I’m driving in the car and they are all talking I feel so panicked. Interesting how you said the lights at the shops affect you. I have never really been able to go the shops without panicking. I get there just to have a browse at clothes or shoes then I become so overwhelmed that I just flee. Then I always wonder, what just happened? What is wrong with me? Thanks for the info xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Faraway, I’ve noticed the exact same, my tv is on so low yet it sounds deafening. Yet I can listen to music really loudly. The least wee noise, and I’m like the cartoon cat, clinging onto the ceiling. I’ve got dropsy, my memory was so sharp for the first few months but I’m finding if I don’t write things down that I’ve to do, I forget them again. I’ve also been told I’ve had another TIA, which I guess isn’t surprising.the signs of that are increased senses too, plus tingling and numbness. I have it on my face my neck arms and hands. Our stress levels are through the roof. We just have to be kind to ourselves and if we have to, lock ourselves in the bathroom and lie in a bubble bath. I don’t have any children, mine are grown up but I know it must be a million times worse trying to deal with your babies and all that this s..t entails.
Take care, all we are going through is normal, it’s just so alien because we’ve never been through this before. I’ve downloaded a relaxation tape and do it as and when required throughout the day. I was also away at the weekend and walked about in my bare feet fir a while to ground myself again. I’ve also got a lot more in tune with my spiritual side again. One of my friends, who I hadn’t saw in over 20 years,properly, is a white witch and she’s helping me so much. No-one knows this so it shouldn’t get censored. Take care, keep posting.
IWMB

[Faraway]

Thanks Iwantmeback! Yes the t.v. Is the worst! I think that I’m just so stressed at the moment with upcoming events regarding custody. I have a lawyer who is strong and wonderful. She knows I’m anxious and is always there for me. I’m praying once custody is sorted I will start to recover. I’ve been living on one wage since the start of the year and paying for everything myself including the mortgage. It breaks my heart that we are basically living on eggs and toast. I know about child support but haven’t taken that step yet until custody is finalised. I did it because I was petrified that he would think I want the kids more because of more child support. I just want them safe, the money doesn’t even factor into it. But he needs to support these kids and he is going to get a shock when I apply. Even tho we have a roof over our head it’s hard to live in poverty regarding food. I go without food sometimes because the kids come first and I need to pay for the house and bills. I can’t wait to take the kids out to a restaurant and just stuff ourselves with food. Thanks for taking the time to listen. I love it that everyone here is so supportive xx

[AlwaysSorry]

I have issues with perfume as well. I can’t bear the smell of any of the ones he gave me over the years. Two in particular that are my favourites, I simply can’t stand now. I once passed someone in the street who was wearing the same scent he would wear. I had what can only be described as a breakdown right in the middle of the street, sobbing. The weird thing is my sense of smell has always been underdeveloped so I would have to be very close to smell anything, literally directly under my nose really. Not now. My sense of smell seems to be on overdrive.

I sometimes wonder if all the physical odd symptoms I started to display over all the years with my ex, if they were really all symptoms of the abuse and maybe my body is healing itself in more ways than one by giving me a stronger sense of smell. I would never have been able to smell another person’s perfume just by passing them in the street before.

IWMB – it’s so good to hear from you. I’ve missed you. I just wanted to say that. I make lists and write things down, too. I definitely think this is also because of the abuse. Perhaps because we aren’t on high alert anymore, our memories need to get used to us being calmer. Or perhaps we are simply becoming “normal” as we find we don’t have to follow all their rules anymore to keep the peace.

[Faraway]

Thanks alwayssorry, yes the perfume thing is the worst! I can’t wear anything with a smell. I used the love the smell of my shampoo and conditioner and everything else girly. Now it just makes me sick to my stomach. I just went grocery shopping and the smells were making me want to vomit. I took the kids to a birthday party today and tried to eat a piece of pizza but it tasted disgusting. I’m still loosing weight because of this. But I’m not underweight yet so I’ve still got time before things become worrisome I guess. My friends keep saying how great I look because of the weight loss but to me it’s a reminder of what I have become. Thanks for reaching out xx

[diymum@1]

its definitely survival instincts isnt it – i have a really good sense off smell always have done. i used to jump at noises etc but i have to say it does get better i definitely amnt so nervous as i first felt. when im out tho with my youngest she often says mum what are you doing? im scanning the area for my ex – i always look ahead as far as i can to see if i can spot anyone remotely like him or his family for that matter. i often do see people that look similar and i hesitate because i know we would turn and go another way. im definitely on high alert but i gues when we feel like there is someone (well i feel) like an unpredictable predator its a natural reaction. im like the combat doll from action man eagle eye lol xxxx

[Faraway]

Yes diymum@1! I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes I dream about moving away and starting somewhere new. My ex’s family think he is a saint because he has the ability to charm. I have to say that his father has always been controlling though. The nightmares have started for me now. I had a dream that I was home and they just chased me around the house and pushed me up against walls and just laughed at me calling me crazy. I’ve been trying to think of nice things before I go to sleep and that has helped a bit. The nightmares shake me to my core. Xx

[diymum@1]

IWMB it is soo good to hear your voice on here again! 🙂 and farawy you will be well supported by these guys xxxx

[fizzylem]

The key here is to give yourself what you need flower; if the kids seem loud then it’s ok to sneak some quiet time away from them in another room for a bit, plan your day around this, do whatever you need to do. Avoid wearing the perfume for a bit, wont be forever. Go easy on yourself, avoid stressful situations, as a temporary measure. When you start to notice you feel a bit better, reintroduce something that feels could be managebale, build up – back to your normal again; I remember this well, feeling startled by noise and stress flurrying through my chest and body, it will pass, try to do whatever you need to do to feel safe – wont be like this forever, you will notice more and more that you can do these things again eventually and things start to settle. Set yourself little challenges when you feel able x

[Faraway]

Thanks fizzylem, it brings me so much comfort to hear things won’t be like this forever. But I will have to co-parent with this man at some stage and I just think I don’t want to go near this person that hates me so much. I’m a strong person so this is why I feel so unsettled I think. I am learning to be kind to myself and thanks for that advice. I put on some nice clothes today and took the kids to a bday party. No make up though but hopefully one day I’ll feel like doing that again. I did well as the mums there were so lovely! The noise didn’t bother me because I felt like I was surrounded by normal people if that makes sense. You ladies give me hope that my journey will become easier xx

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