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At first I don’t think he believed me because he spoke trashy of me then police got involved he seemed upset but since then has been nice so much so I feel like it’s gone on too long it’s been a at least a (removed by moderator) but he still has very little control and that is physical but I don’t wanna be with him want him gone has anyone been through this I’m getting kisses blown and all sorts of flirting I don’t know what to do I’ve made out that anything physical is just that and I want nothing else until he goes even then I’m thinking to stop that but I find that part difficult I don’t know why it’s probably when I feel sexual I don’t know but it’s getting more rough and I’m not really enjoying it I’m also seeing another man so I need him gone I ended the relationship and worried it will jeopardise this other man who is lovely by the way I’ve looked for red flags none have popped up and I’ve told him everything about my ex he’s been nothing but supportive he even said if we don’t have a relationship he will gladly be their for me as a friend
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Hello Mellow,
It sounds like he is making it incredibly difficult for you to break away. This is unfortunately really common with abusers who often continue to harass, contact and bombard someone long after the relationship has ended.
As many women on the forum will be aware, no-contact, or as little contact as possible, is the safest and most effective option when we need to begin to disconnect from the dynamics of the abusive relationship. As long as contact is ongoing, the manipulation, control and gaslighting will be too.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Yes Mellow I’ve been through this too. I stopped having a physical relationship with my husband, No to sex! A long time ago, then it was a case of sporadic rewarding of affection when he was seeming to be loving. But it changed again when he returned to being his abusive self, so nothing was gained by an intimacy. I didn’t self satisfy from the situation at all though, in fact it made me feel abused. I’m lucky that my sexual appetite and hormones have ebbed away somewhat after my menopause but I do remember that feeling of being a woman with needs, so I understand! no shame! Although, I think sex can and does blur the lines. I have to say here despite what I said about my hormones, I have recently discovered that given the right moment the flicker of a flame can be reignited. However! Trying to give any remaining love? A chance? Is a mistake with a partner who has a proven track record of forgetting tenderness and love. And of course…not to go back to being abusive and coercively controlling, attempting to control that he gets what he desires again when it suits him! Good luck with the new partner, if your really interested in a one to one relationship. I’d be wary of being too trusting with the information sharing though at this point if it was me. If he’s offering freindship? Well that’s something else isn’t it. Once again …best of luck.
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