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Hello there,
As you will know ladies – more than five years out.Have been doing the same contact pattern, (thankfully not every week – not as frequent as that) – which kind of means that once it is over, I almost get to the point where I forget about ex entirely.
The problem I have got is that no matter how I work it (following all advice etc) – (I don’t have anyone else to do handovers and don’t want anyone else to do it as I still feel I need to support my child and wave them off/be there when they get back…)…
it is still really hard. The whole thing. Don’t get me wrong I am blessed in one way, in that the contact had remained the same, and I decided on the pattern – and in a way it has protected us – for so many years as I never need to argue about it with ex. More or less set in stone and I don’t want to go back to court. Pattern doesn’t end for another few years.
Still, it causes me a great amount of stress, each time. I try and try self-care – and sometimes when I’m feeling ok it hardly bothers me, but so often I get thrown back into the awful feelings.
Practically it is really hard too. I have in the past tried to arrange things on the day of the handover – but it has interfrered with voluntary work, appointments I have – and basically for the time my child is not here – I am stuffed emotionally – meaning – I feel as if I have a leg missing and the worst thing is that I feel no-one understands…
Meaning even if I try to get myself out and about, I have encountered really stupid insensitive comments from people – ‘oh where is x – oh that’s nice, gone ot see her dad…etc.)
I’ve tried saying nothing to people. I’ve even tried asking people I know to cut me some slack in the time child is not here, but I have got into difficulties with people regardless.
So what I’ve come up with during this time is painting the walls (literally) clearning, gardening…and generally avoiding people as I’ve known so many reacctions going pear-shaped during this time…
‘Keeping busy’ doesn’t seem to cover it…
Any thoughts ladies….
Just take your time, I’ve got a few years of this situation yet. In my heart of hearts just hoping he kicks the bucket as soon as possible and problem solved…
Sorry to say that, but that’s how I Feel.
ftc
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Hi ftc, your last bit made me smile, I think we’ve all thought that at some point😏
As a parent we worry, it’s par for the course. Throw in DA and it’s 10 fold. Maybe one-day, everyone will understand how we feel, but without them having to go through it, to get it. Also, the wee one may choose to no longer want to see their dad the same. Teenage years will be on the horizon, friends will be more important to them, abusive dad’s won’t like the change in the dynamics but they can’t stop their child growing up. Just deal with things as they arise, somethings are outwith our control, it’s learning to not let those instances consume us. For the record, I think you’ve been amazing, you’ve always got great advice to give and more so, you’re still here even after getting out. Many survivors don’t continue the support forum which(selfishly on our part)we need so much. But those who’ve managed to get out sometimes need to leave us behind in order for them to move on. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for still being here. 💜💜
IWMB 💕💕
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