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Yesterday I took the first step
by contacting Women’s Aid. I have been with my husband for almost (detail removed by moderator). Just had a baby and I realised that, it’s not a healthy environment for me and my child.Psychological, emotional abuse and “gaslighting” are all words I tried to deny I was going through. Everytime I experienced something my husband would tell me I’m mad. But hearing other people turning around and saying the same thing. It means a lot to my well-being. As I really believed my husband when he said that I was.”Crazy.” Every week he comes with a new label and when I ask him if he wants a divorce. He states that he doesn’t.
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Well done for firstly calling WA but also for posting on here.
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this and the effects it has. (detail removed by moderator) is a long time and I think the longer it’s gone on for the more ‘normal’ we make it in our heads. BUT it’s not normal and you shouldn’t have to deal with his words and actions.
Without doubt this is going to take time to process, so have a read through some other posts there is plenty of good advice here in the group.
Stay strong and well done!
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Hi Yiyuh,
You’re right an abusive relationship is not a healthy environment to bring up your child in. I know this because that’s exactly what I did for many years in my marriage. My son is now a young adult and has recently moved away to University, even though he is a grown man now I know the discord he witnessed between myself and husband growing up has affected him to this day, and I will always feel that guilt forever..
Your child is still young, please don’t make the same mistake I made, the ‘gaslighting’ the mood-swings, the emotional abuse, saying and doing things and then denying or acting as though nothing has happened and expecting you to just shrug of the hurt as though your feelings are just as worthless as you are, and more.. I’m sorry to say just gets worse of over the years, whilst all the while you live in hope that things will get better.
from reading your story i’ve gathered that you must be a fair bit younger than me, give yourself and child a chance for a better life, I know it’s scary but staying will only create much more scarier days, months and years ahead. I hope you will find the strength within yourself to do the right thing. Good luck and take.
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Hi Yiyuh,
Well done for taking that first step, keep on going and educate yourself and empower yourself.
My abuse escalated through pregnancy and continued after our son was born. My ex suggested I had PND as I was so ‘crazy’ and I actually went to the GP and got anti-depressants for it because I believed him. Some time later another specialist confirmed my depression was due to abuse and not by having a baby!
Things did not get better no matter what I did – and I tried everything and gave up so much. By the time our son was a toddler he was witnessing the violence so I knew I had to get out. Thank God I did. I was able to bring him up in a healthy and stable environment without abuse on a regular basis.
It’s hard to leave I know, especially when you have children. You worry whether you are doing the right thing by protecting them from abuse or depriving them of a father on a daily basis. I can honestly say that from a personal and a professional view, leaving him was the right thing to do – for my sake and our son. Staying would have just prolonged the destruction of our lives.
Stay strong and know your worth – you deserve the best life can offer you, don’t settle for what you are given x
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