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Hi everybody I don’t know we’re to start , I was previously in a physical abusive relationship which ended in me and my kids escaping to a refuge anyway years later I’m in a new relationship which was fine at first he understood everything I’d been through was very understanding and he was also very cautious just really lovely it’s been few years now and I feel like I’m loosing my mind we now have a child together and he makes me feel like the worst mum ever he’s called me a bad mum lazy that I’m dangerous etc all because on an odd occasion I don’t wake up straight away to the baby and they wake him him up first!! He’s thrown things at me due to tiredness if I go out the house he rings me an hour later asking we’re I am coz the baby is crying I feel like a prisoner I’m basically not allowed out if I go out I get world war 3 , he argues with me constantly and makes up things what he’s never said then calls me a psyco when I say he’s never said these things he says I need my head testing I know he hasn’t said things he believes he has but he has me questioning my own sanity it’s so hard to explain , he’s called me a state says nobody will want me he’s smashed my phone up as a friend messaged me asking about his ex to which I was called every name under the son s**g s**t u name it I feel like I’m loosing my mind I’m constantly accused and I never go anywhere I must leave the house for one hour a week to see friends but get accused or an argument because of it , I’m the one that sees to our child all day everyday while he sits in the computer when I ask for help he just says other mothers cope or single parents do , I have really bad anxiety now and feel like I’m walking on egg shells to stop him erupting , when we he has ago at me he’ll run off and tell family and friends a pack of lies to make out I’m bad or in the wrong to cover his tracks I just don’t know what to do this is different from my previous relationship he was handy with his fists but I can’t take the mental torture I just don’t want to think that I’m exaggerating things because of my previous relationship ?? But he has me questioning everything and second guessing myself
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No you are no exaggerating. Abusers make us feel like we are losing our minds. What you describe is typical abuser behaviour and your reaction is typical victim behaviour. Walking on eggshells. Causing you anxiety. I had physical and mental abuse and I can tell you the bruises heal but the mental damage can last a lifetime. Contact your local women’s aid for support. Google cycle of abuse. Gaslighting. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. His is abusive and using coercive control which is illegal. Calling you names like that is appalling behaviour you don’t need to put up with.
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Ok ty very much I’m just so scared and upset that I’ve got myself in this situation again but the emotional side is different to previous as that was physical I feel like there’s no fight left in me I’m just so drained and feel a failure of a mum for ending up in another abusive situation but I didn’t see it coming it’s been little by little chipped away at my self esteem my sanity even my appearance is shocking compared to how I used to look just feel like don’t have the up and go to make an effort , I’m sorry for going on I just feel a prisoner in my own mind when I told him he’s abusive months ago he said that’s what the refuge drummed in my head to make all men look bad, I’m scared ss will take my kids for ending up with another abusive partner I feel like all I do is worry I have to think 3 steps ahead to not cause arguments pick my words I could go on all day but I won’t , sorry for my rambling and then for the advice
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