Making my ex the subject of conversations

[Lazarus17]

I am very conscious of talking about my ex with family/friends. My ex used to tell me that I was boring – I may well be now if he’s the topic of conversation! I just don’t want people to think “Oh, here we go again, yawwwwn” if I mention his name. I’ve told them to let me know if I’m being boring, but I think they’re too polite?!

But I really hate it when an acquaintance/neighbour/”friend”) comes over to say hello and then says “you’ll never guess who I saw” or “I saw your ex the other day” (usually referring to him by name) and then tell me about the conversation they’ve had!🤨 I mean, I need to know he’s not in my area (restraining order), but I don’t give a rat’s behind about anything else. He has been tried and convicted of offences against me ffs!
Imagine going to a victim of burglary and saying “I saw your thief the other day, he’s keeping well” or a victim of rape and saying “your rapist’s lost a few pounds, hasn’t he?!” I even had one “friend” phone to ask me about prison visiting times (ex was on remand) Grrrrr😡 I think I’m probably angry at myself too for not telling them….😕

Rant over 😁

[KIP.]

Hey I know exactly how you feel. Your confidence seems to be returning so I’d try saying ‘I’d really appreciate if you didn’t mention my ex, unless it’s life threatening to me as it’s still triggering/raw/a part of my life I’d like to forget. I used to talk about my ex all the time, even to the point of a stranger behind the till in the supermarket. It’s all part of trauma. We internalise and say nothing or we can’t shut up. It made me feel somehow safer telling people so be very kind to yourself. My family and friends really stepped up don’t mention him and it really helps recovery x I too had the courts and restraining orders etc. That alone is traumatic. Well done you and nice to see you have your sense of humour. Every survivor I’ve come across has a great one. It’s what sometimes gets us through! Good riddance to bad rubbish x

[Lazarus17]

Thanks KIP. I guess that he was a substantial part of my life, so it’s only natural that he’ll be part of conversations. It’s interesting that I view past events quite differently- even the good times, cos I can now see the horrible stuff I went thru to get those good times. How sad.

Haha, yes, I’ve made “friends” with a few of the cashiers at my supermarket through telling all!! Whether they wanted to hear it or not 🤣 Like you it made me feel safer – I wanted (still do) people to be aware of my presence. Just so that if anything happened, my absence would be noticed 🤷‍♀️ Of course he’s spreading lies about me, but I know that those who believe him can just **** off. I used to care what other’s thought of me – I still do to a certain extent, but only those closest to me. And if I’m good enough for them, that’s all that matters 😊

Yep, good riddance to bad rubbish!

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