Manipulation at Work

[BakingQueen]

Hello Ladies,

When I started at the job I am in now there was a man in my team a lot of woman in the office have warned me about. They felt it their duty almost (which I think says a lot) and until they had pointed this out to me I was none the wiser (Gosh these men can be so good at masking their true self)

Anyway so this man is just unbearable at times, he goes from non stop talking, subtle sexual innuendos, commenting on me look at my phone, making comments about me studying on my lunch break, shaking my chair at work, singing my name, singing random songs, hand gestures about holding hands at work and a whole host of other things (I have a diary and my goodness it’s a long one) to not speaking to me for days on end. And we work in the same team so we need to communicate. I have informed my manager of his behavior before and he was completely shocked about what I has said he was doing and saying but I was happy to just see how it goes but wanted him to be aware that this was going on.

Since then it had calmed down and it was pleasant to work with him until recently. He was driving me up the wall with his nonsense chatter and back came the sexual innuendos and even with me clearly stating what he was saying is inappropriate and me clearly getting agitated by him he wouldn’t stop. So I told him I really am not in the mood for his nonsense. To which he seemed completely shocked about me being annoyed and asked me what was wrong. I just told him I have a lot on and I am trying to concentrate and since then he hasn’t said a word to me.

Interesting thing is he has been sending emails cc’ing me in where necessary or sending emails directly to me and other people in the email (basically acting as if everything is normal). Now I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I am out of that now and I see his actions as ones of cover up. So if I were to tell someone, he would say but I have been emailing her i.e. still communicating with her, everything is normal etc. I see the game he is trying to play.

On one hand I am at the stage of recovery where I just want to stamp all over everyone and show that I am not afraid to stand up for myself, but I know with these individuals there is no point fighting for “power” as it just wont end. I am not desperate for it, but they are and it is sometimes best to show you aren’t effected at all. But I don’t want him to get away with that behavior with me anymore.

Am I going crazy ladies? Have any of you experienced this before? Any advice or kind words would be appreciated. I already have a tonne on my plate already regarding my ex, I really don’t need this as well.

Thanks.
BakingQueen.

[Chickadee]

It fits the behaviors of an abuser to a tee.

Ignore him. Except for any correspondence or professional work. By ignoring his antics/other comments/behaviors, your shutting him down. Your sAnd it is no fun or power kick for him if he can not play.

In general, be careful how much you share about your ex and situation and with who. It opens you up and makes you vulnerable, a target, to the wrong type of person.

[BakingQueen]

Thanks Chickadee.

Sadly I sit right next to this guy but there is an option to move desks to eliminate the behaviour.

I’ve also spoken to HR about his behaviour so it’s on everyone’s radar. I won’t put up with thus chap anymore!

I don’t share anything personal with him at all
I don’t attend after work events with him either the less time I spend with him the better.

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