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    • #29966
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      Im woke up this morning feeling rather pants, i think maybe its time for me to wake up and realise that im not ready to move on,im clinginh to the past in desperate need of it to come back. This is no where near healthy or normal but its how my mind has began to work. Ive tried to move on only to be rejected and then i go into a down word spiral and start thinking of the few good times i had with my ex.
      Maybe a trip to the doctors will help? Maybe he could assist by upping my meds or if the police just told me what there doing with my case.

    • #29980
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi hun iam the same it’s so hard to move forward. Me and my ex had good times too .but it was love fraud he was leading a secret life!. He was brain washing me etc.the lies .the most hurtful things he said to me was so sick!!! I’ve never encountered such an evil person in all my life . Iam finding it so hard to rebuild my life as he’s destroyed me ..but iam grateful I have my life. We will get through this x*x

    • #29982
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      Yeah lets hope so, its soul destroying. I cant get over whats happended and whats it done to my mind

    • #29985
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Yes hun it’s the psychological damage he’s done to me too xx

    • #29988
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      What helps with getting back to u? I may need counselling

    • #29989
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi There,

      It took me a while to comprehend it all, but I think it helps to explain it as the abusers having very shallow feelings.

      They can mimic love, they use the lines they’ve heard others using to imitate love, but the fact is they don’t feel emotions like we do, that’s why they find it easy to lie.

      There are men out there who have more normal emotions, who will mean what they say, will love deeply and protect and fight for you- in short, to care for you as you deserve.

      These abusers are missing normal emotions.

      I think reminding ourselves that we are the normal ones – though hurting- helps give us hope for the future. We can form proper relationships, we don’t need to hurt others or lie. And now, we are wiser. We are in a good ace for the future in terms of being wizened to abuse.

      In terms of dealing with your current pain, there is no shame in taking medication to help keep you together, if you need it. Keeping on talking and connecting is important.

      The road to healing isn’t smooth. It’s uneven, full of peaks and throughs, but you will improve. Keep strong x

    • #29992
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      Hi serenity- that make things a little clearer now u have explained this. I already am on meds and the doctor thinks im fine. Clearly im not as its driving me mad

    • #30065
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      For me i needed cousnelling to pull myself out of denial, i could just not get over how i loved him so much and what he did, i didnt think anyone was capable of doing stuff like that, i think counselling really helps u look deep into what happened and understand what happend

    • #30070
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      What sort of cousnelling did u have?

    • #30083
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      I chose a counsellor that specialized in domestic violence, i was in total denial, i knew what he was doing was bad but i just couldn’t accept it or admit it that it happend to me, i totally continued to provide a happy loving peaceful environment for boys when i left ex, i was determinded to make things go smoothly, even though they didnt, i struggled with no contact and could just not think or comprehend what had happened. I remeber now when i first left ex i used to cry daily in morning in private when kids werent around aand couldnt understand why i was crying, why did he do those things to me, i just couldnt think straight, alli knew was i had to carry on and not fall . When i did eventually get cousnelling after 4 months i think or maybe even 6 months, omg it was such a wakening, id sit there and tell her this is what he did, still not acknowledging it was abuse , telling her i couldnt understand why people find it so horrific yet i thought it was bad but not that bad for happening to me. MY counsellor made me really face up to abuse did happen to me, he did scare me senseless, he did try to kill me, even then i couldnt get over why he did it. COunselling and time away from him as clear my head and given me time to face upto the horrible truth of what i exeperienced. I beleive your brain lets u process how much u can handle at certain times.

    • #30110
      chocolatefudgecake
      Participant

      What happended to you is happening to me now. Its really stupid how our minds work and what they do us in the long run. Would i have to go through my doctor or can i get help from people on here?

    • #30117
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      feel free to p m me anytime, i personally when i left was like a zombie, my brain was warning me again and again this man is telling u his going to kill u and he will so why r u not leaving but i just couldnt accept it, i had worked so hard to build house and everything and i was going to lose it all, it drove me mental that he was saying daily at night he’d throw me out on the streets and kill me as well as sleep depriving me and wakign upto punches. As well as been totally shocked that this disruption had happened i just can’t explain how u cant comprehend it all, people would ask me why i left and i was like cause of his drink and the beatings, i couldnt even bring myself to tell people he was going to kill me , it was blessing in disguise that week i left i found this site, the ladies here were angels, gave me so much support and guidance to stay strong, i started getting books from amazon on abuse and that helped me so much it was like omg abuse like this does exist, i thought no body would beleive me that i experienced abuse in all 5 areas, somem books were too hard to read as i found it too emotional, but slowly i got through all the books it made me somuch stronger, after 6 months my cousnelling began, i actually applied for counselling for me and my kids via gp within two weeks as i knew waiting list was long, and couldnt afford private cousnelling. Counselling helped me so much understand everything and i think the no contct in between cleared my head so much ,i started realizing how contact with him effected me immediately. Ask your GP for referal, if you can afford private , do it private, ithink even when u go to gp they give u no to call and its like a self referal the gp just have to give u a code no that u approached your gp, it is so worth it the cousnelling, i find ladies on here understood me more than my friends and families as they have experienced the abuse, sadly our families just dont get it

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