Me and mum both talk about our abusive marriages

[Chocolatebunnie]

My mum is elderly, dads been caring for her but (detail removed by moderator) and is an idiot.

She’s had nightmares about my daughter or possibly combination of my daughter and myself and it’s related to my husband and his behaviour

My brothers don’t see things as I do about either marriage so it’s hard in that respect.

She should’ve left my dad, she’s scared if him and if she got dementia thinks he’d be violent

It’s heartbreaking to hear her speak this way.

I want to rescue her always have.

My husband isn’t violent but he’s managed to control his behaviour lately, it starts to escalate and then he’s like let’s not argue. It’s not an argument it’s me standing up for myself. He doesn’t like it when I say no to something.

I can’t believe I’m living like this and swore I wouldn’t but he’s clever never oversteps the mark anymore much more subt these days. But I see it.

Sorry but Christmas has always been this way from as young as I remember, toys being stepped on anger arguments.

I don’t get the physical stuff but the words the behaviour is all there, a lifetime if this just had enough today.

My mum will die in this environment and that breaks my heart, I’m scared I will be the same

[GoldenFish]

To see it, is the hardest part, I believe. You see it. You know you don’t want to repeat the story of your mother. You need to work on a plan to separate, maybe could even agree on it, that it is not working. This is how it makes you feel. Not ‘arguing’ is just a cover up for not changing anything and you clearly need to change something. Sorry for the bad time at Xmas. It brings out the worst in some.

[gettingtired]

Sorry to hear your Mother has to deal with an abusive man too. Saying it’s an ‘argument’ is their classic way of not taking any responsibility and shifting the blame onto you or making it a ‘relationship problem’ which it clearly isn’t. Like you said, it’s you having to defend yourself. I felt like this continuously with my ex and it made me so hypervigilant constantly ready to defend myself against attacks. Have you got any support from a local domestic abuse service? X

[Author]

Posts