22nd February 2021 at 11:56 pm #122216LavenderroseParticipant
It’s been a while. I’ve been trying to just get on with it but it keeps going back to the same thing. I’m so fed up with it.
My ex is like a dog with a bone and keeps suggesting we have mediation. I have already declined multiple times!
We have already been down the legal route so we have a clear set plan for our child going forward. The grey areas are holidays, as in we have to make arrangements between ourselves which I can do but he wants it all his way all the time. (I feel like a child here, sounds so petty!)
We have minimal contact now but due to health reasons of our child that has slightly increased.
I don’t want to do mediation and my gut tells me it’s just a way of him trying to bully me into what he wants? And getting a mediator to be on side with him too? Am I right?
Surely it’s not a good idea?
I am trying so hard to rebuild myself again, I just can’t face this x
23rd February 2021 at 6:52 am #122217KIP.Participant
No do not do mediation. He’s trying to draw you together when your goal should always be to keep as much distance as possible. Physically, emotionally, mentally. There is absolutely no point in mediation. Yes he will simply use mediation to bully. He will use every point of contact to bully. Everything you need is in place. You need to set firm boundaries around holidays if that’s the ‘problem’. Although he will always make problems. My advice is you decide what holidays you want him to have and stick to it. End of. Full stop. Nothing you do will ever be enough because abusers simply move the goal posts. So take control as the resident parent. An absolute firm no to his mediation request and if you’ve already told him no then completely ignore his mention of it in future. Just laugh it off as his petty toddler tantrum for not getting his own way. You left him for a reason and you don’t have to put up with his behaviour. I hope you have a spare phone and email address for him so you can switch them all off x
23rd February 2021 at 7:12 am #122219DarcyParticipant
Hi my beautiful angel … Lavenderrose,
Well done for putting so much working into rebuilding yourself and getting to this point… keep on moving forward.
If you are not getting a ‘full body YES’ about the mediation or anything else in your life for that matter, don’t do it.
If in doubt, there is no doubt!
You already know the answer and what is best for you and your family
Get back in your power and stand strong, he’ll soon get tired of trying to knock you down if you are consistent with your boundaries
Sending you love and support
23rd February 2021 at 10:03 pm #122255LivinginhopeParticipant
This is my ex exactly. We have a court order regarding child arrangements. He keeps emailing saying we need to go to mediation to (detail removed by moderator). He won’t agree on holiday arrangements Unless they are exactly what he wants and time is divided equally to the half day and when I won’t agree to his exact requirements he has turned up to collect them when he wants them anyway despite repeated requests not to (I have had to leave quickly and stay out of the house with the children). (Detail removed by moderator) he refused to bring them home (detail removed by moderator) forcing me to collect them from somewhere that is unsafe and leaves me exposed to contact with him (rather than in my house). He is now insisting this will be the arrangement going forward. I will be seeking advice but I can’t face going back to court and all that involves. I’m so sorry you are in this type of situation too and I really feel your pain and you are not alone!
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