Meltdown

[Lightonthehorizon]

Hi brave girls. Wish I was feeling the same. Ex is calling my accusations vile + unfounded + is threatening to take me to court. I’ve been out for a few months now + am trying so hard. He’s denied everything, even through his solicitor. I was on the phone to a counsellor at 11pm last night + just couldn’t stop crying. I just want someone to look after me. I don’t have family locally + my friends are so busy with their own lives/challenges that I don’t want to bother them. I feel overwhelmed + that he is still firmly in control.

[KIP.]

Hey there. It just feels like he is in control. Abusers are pathalogical liars and would confuse the sanest of people. My ex would tell so many lies he constantly got mixed up and contradicted himself. My advice is to go total no contact. Use solicitors to sort out legal problems. Firmly sticking to the legal points that need addressed. It’s so hard to understand but these abusers never accept responsibility. Mine turned everything around and accused me of abusing him. Stating that I asked him to leave on many occasions! Of course I did, he was raping and hurting me but he twists this round. It’s painful to hear their lies and to realise just how little they care. My ex threatened court, taking my child etc. Contact your local women’s aid and never react to any of his threats. Only what he actually does, which in my case wasn’t much. Full of empty threats designed to weaken you. Hang in there. Ring the helpline number on here x

[Ayanna]

You feel like he is still in control because you are trauma bonded.
This trauma bond takes a while to dissolve.
When I had my fight for freedom I sometimes did not cooperate and it worked out.
I stood up to judges and refused to accept his version of events.
I represented myself without lawyers.
What I did not like I rejected.
I had a few serious nervous break downs, but I never gave in to them when I was face to face with any of these patriarchal people.
I was determined to win the battle.
Nobody saw that coming, that I would put up such a fight and insist on my version of events throughout the process, demanding justice.
There was not much justice, but he got a little conviction and could not get hands on my wages and pension.
I learned the new vocabulary that I needed to fight for myself without a lawyer. I learned lots about the patriarchal system we are in and I threw my knowledge in the faces of all these people.
I felt better knowing how the world functions, that we women are suppressed by vile male patriarchs and that the only way to exist on this planet is to resist patriarchy whenever possible.
These men do not consider us as human beings with souls and feelings.
They only attend to their own needs and vulnerabilities and demand the world rotate around them.
Stand up to him and to all his supporters.
You can do this!

[Lightonthehorizon]

Thank you both. You don’t know how much it means to read what you’ve written. I need you both to be my neighbours! I’ve driven a few hours today to be with my sister. I hope a weekend here will help me to rebalance a little. Thank you again. X*x

[Lightonthehorizon]

By the way, you’re both incredibly strong. I really admire you both. Please send some of that strength + wisdom my way! X

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