This topic contains 13 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Hazydayz 1 month ago.

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  • #112609
     Hazydayz 
    Participant

    Ladies I sat last night legs twitching! toes tapping! watching a replay of top of the pops. 1988! I felt immediately transported back to the the old (younger) happy carefree me? Enjoying the music and such happy memories of dancing free on nights out with all my lovely friends. On the dancefloor where I worked out! a natural dancer and yes…attracting the attention of all those wanna b’s with me, if only for the moment! Life was so easy back then! 20 years before, my awareness of the abuse that would arrive at the boundary of my life then seep into it. If only we could see it coming? there in front of us, we could reject the advance of the handsome strangers smile… couldn’t we? “Naughty but nice”!??? That’s what we used to hear, so often said! isn’t it! If you apply it to handsome! Cheeky chaps? Is it any wonder we found ourselves affected! by what was to follow…much much worse! After the honeymoon period was over and the rose tinted specs knocked off! Oh yes! Ignorance was bliss! Wasn’t it.💞

  • #112631
     Anonymous

    Hopefully you’ll get that joy back for good!

    Funny isn’t it – thinking if only you hadn’t met him/stuck with him.

    Sliding doors moments.

    Hopefully stronger for what you’ve been through.

    • #112634
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Hi. I don’t think I’ll be going disco dancing anytime soon! Lol, I’ve hung up my dancing shoes now. Those days are gone sadly! But happy memories remain! I am still though, in my head… The Dancing Queen!💃

  • #112641
     focusonfreedom 
    Participant

    Oh my goodness, I have the same feelings as you when I watch 80’s top of the pops and the joy in my heart back then. I almost have to deny myself watching and remembering these times because it makes me so sad that life turned so sour after. “If only’s” are heartbreaking. I go through all the heartaches thinking of all the missed opportunities that I gave away to escape, the abusive life that lasted for so long. Even now I am free painful memories emerge, bring back the 80’s and hindsight.

    • #112664
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Hi, I’m so sorry you grieve so terribly for your former life. In particular the 80’s by the sounds of it. I can look back with fond memories and then leave it there, it’s actually a long time before I met my abuser. So I guess I am doing groundhog Day from (detail removed by moderator). Just goes round and round my head! Why did I have to be there when he was? Life’s sick joke I think? Hope you can make some new Happy memories soon💞

  • #112687
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Have you checked out Goin’ Back by Dusty Springfield? It’s worth a listen and to read the lyrics. Puts a positive slant on revisiting your younger years.

    • #112721
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      No I haven’t, thanks Eggshells! I’ll check it out. How’s things? 💞

  • #112753
     SunshineRainflower 
    Participant

    I can really relate to this, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past recently remembering all the fun I had, all the dancing, the travelling, kissing handsome men lol. I feel especially sad at the moment with all of the covid madness wondering if I’ll ever be able to connect with people again in person, make new friends and meet a loving partner. I also feel sad for young people growing up in such a dystopia.

    Also, I was like you, attracting lots of men. But they were usually the narcissists and psychopaths. I realised recently that attracting attention maybe seems to mean we’re more likely to attract the bad ones and end up with abusers or alone, because I know a lot of women that didn’t get that attention but are now happily securely married. I think it’s partly if we were brought up with the belief that our looks would get us a man, so we ended up attracting men who only valued us for our looks, who saw us as objects but never really ‘saw’ us as the loving, wondering, talented amazing women that we are.

    • #112765
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Hi SunshineRainFlower,how you doing? Thanks for your reply, gave me much to ponder on. Yes, it’s become a very uncertain world now hasn’t it! Sadly, the old days of freedom to roam socially on Friday and Saturday nights traditionally, may be a thing of the past? Along with feeling united among fellow revellers in happy groups of social interaction, were the norm once upon a time! where young girls and time given women romanced their dreams… of chance encounters? Maybe? with genuine! handsome and charming suitors? they may wish to find? These thoughts uppermost in excited minds as the make-up is applied and thoughts of “what to wear”? Has been decided hours before! Dressed and made-up! Presenting the best impression of our given assets we trip out the door to meet the trail of so many like minded souls gathering in waves,their gladrags and handbags, topped only by the highlighted, Twinkling, Bejeweled charms of those much, sought after, must have! strappy stiletoe sandles that our painted toes peep beneath so delectably! On summer nights! The prettiest of shoes an essential during those winter months! Along with the most glamorous of Jackets to adorn over the flimsiest of outfits below. These actions and behaviours do become the memories of most young girls and women in time…. a right of passage! into wise womanhood Eventually! Hopefully? Unscared by life changeing mistakes! Namely, the attracting of Bad un’s! Attracted and drawn to… the prettiest! The winner that night! of the most attractive? Like primal warpainted faces, we trip out our figures to stand out! Be sought, by those we desire? It’s competitive out there in the arena of life…Every girl knows that! and yet…this is the drive in us isn’t it…? prepared for the night! excitedly! Awaiting…what will be? Possibilities maybe? As eyes meet across the dancefloor or crowded social venues. Invitations from handsome or not? strangers, who appear… when least expected? Over the shoulder! as if by magic! Asking…Can I buy you a drink? Or do you want to dance or better still…a dance, followed by a drink and then maybe? a delicious cocktail… of having fun till the music slows at the end of the night and with a racing heart, beating pulse, slightly woozy head we trip off hand in hand, to sway together in a few short bursts of happy moments and getting to know you’s? enjoying togetherness! Secret thoughts of… This guy! He’s the real deal! we allow ourselves to dream… as we drape our arms around our charming knight! The shining of his armour having been taken in and applauded quietly by our appreciation of how good he looks! Likely? He feels like he is a winner! Got the best looking bird in the place! I have met many like this, in my time, and wasted time! given to them! on further dates, that soon proved that! but they haven’t all been Narccisists thankfully! It’s an education isn’t it! But, I still ended up…being caught out? Married to an abuser, years later! More to follow…💞

    • #112784
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Following on…yes! It’s strange isn’t it that the plain Jane’s seem to avoid all the negative contact it seems? I do also agree with the idea of yours that we grow up being told not a lot about what to expect? If taught looks is all it takes to land a good man? That’s nuts isn’t it? So was the long believed idea… We as young girls were living the dream…one day we meet our Mr perfect? And live happily ever after! How wrong was that? Fairytale! I grew up in a divorced parents home so questioned that a lot as a kid! Maybe? I didn’t expect too much from my Mr perfect? as a result of my experience? Though, I didn’t experience, domestic violence in my young life? My abuser did though!💞

  • #112756
     Wiseafter 
    Participant

    I love the thought of all the dancing queens on this forum, lost in 80s pop and shaking their perms! Sadly, it is true, we drew the narcs like moths to flames. Who is teaching the young woman out there who is shining now? Who is teaching her about boundaries, about her trust being something a man has to win over time, not force on her in five minutes while her inner voice is telling her to hold back, about what it means when her man tells her to try harder to make him happy, to try something she’d rather not in bed and then ghost her for days when she cries and says no, only to turn up again as though nothing has happened, what it means when he tells her not to talk to other guys and acts all cute and jealous, to wear this because it makes her look sexy, to not wear that because it makes her look like her sister, yada yada – who is warning her that intensity is not intimacy? Advising her that her emotions and feelings are precious and not to be wasted on a fool. Nobody taught me that’s for sure! Boogie Nights.

    • #112768
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Yes Wiseafter! I shook my much loved then 80’s perm on the dancefloor too! I share same opinions you raised also. I do remember those fun days and nights being paid for later with pain and misery and confusion? Why did the good times never last? What was it that made the good times come to such a disappointing conclusion? Why did it have to be that way? nobody ever seemed to talk or think about what folly it is? dashing off…to dance, and find oneself, in a dalliance with a dashing dream guy? Not! Who… knowingly or unknowingly harboured future dastardly demeanour and behaviours! Yes, growing up… No-one warns against that type? No! They didn’t! Till it’s too late! Now, It seems to me? Then and now! Young hearts and souls are broken and older ones too! As we all know here. Education? Is that the key? But somehow I don’t see it becoming… part of the school curriculum! Catch them early! hopefully? But could it be interpreted to look like discrimination… against males? It would wouldn’t it? In mixed sex schools. Unless of course it was addressed as… a universal problem across the board, affecting females and males! And sadly, a part of… many relationships unfortunately, including those in multi racial and multi cultural communities. A lot of traditional thinking needs to be challenged and changed likely? If this is to bring about a better world. Full of respectful and loving relationships hopefully? No more fear! No more Boogey woogy nights n days of nightmares!💞

  • #112762
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    I’m OK thanks Hazydayz. How are you doing?

    • #112769
       Hazydayz 
      Participant

      Eggshells, that’s good to hear! I’m doing ok too! For now anyway! Thanks. 💞

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