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    • #70974
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      I want off, they’ve always made me sick, all that going round and round. I’ve decided for my health and my sanity and for my dogs’ sakes,I need to get off. It’s all just gone off the scale here, concerning one of the dogs. I couldn’t interfere, poor thing was too far gone with fear, he might have bit me!!he’s okay, he’s not dead but his life is as miserable as is mine. He’s thrown things about, so I did the same to show how childish it is. He’s contrite now, sleeping even!!! I feel nothing, not fear, nor sadness, nothing. It is what it is. He’s not taking any responsibility for the dog’s reaction, yet again thinking very hard about putting them down as they can’t go to anyone else now they’ve tasted blood’ I wish he’d just f..k off out of my life. I’m too tired to deal with this anymore.

    • #71001
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Iwantmeback,

      Yes its absolute hell being on that merry go round of abuse. The green phase where they are not being abusive, the orange phase where the tension in us arises as the abusive head on them starts to get going and they are nasty/nice, nit-pitting and we can’t do right no matter how perfect we are then the red phase where they lash out and discharge all their horribleness that’s stored inside them. No wonder he’s sleeping like a baby he’s just discharged all his nastiness that he’s made up of onto you and the poor dog. No wonder you’re feeling so exhausted with it all having been on the merry go round of abuse for decades. I was too. I couldn’t get out of the abusive relationship. I just couldn’t walked out the door.

      But I did got out in a round about way. Like you I gathered all my supports around you and I concentrated on doing the daily things towards my plan to leave. Then my chance came when he decided to discard me (solicitor’s letter looking for a separation) and I didn’t beg him not to do it. He knew and I knew it was just a threat to get me back into my place. But I had developed strength (as you are doing ) and when the opportunity appeared I was strong enough to do it, to face him in court and face the financial challenges of being self-supporting even though my only income at the time was from him and seasonal part-time work.

      We can’t control the merry go round of abuse, we can’t control the green, the yellow and the red phases of that cycle of abuse all we can do is decide to hop off that merry go round.

      Leaving the abuser is a process, you are on in that process, keep posting and reading the posts which you are doing as much as you can. You will definitely get there.

    • #71005
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Now I understand when women write they’re crying when someone replies. Thank you😪 fir understanding.

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