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[Anonymous]

Has anyone else gone back through emails and messages some time after you left and felt very confused by them?

I’ve gone back through mine – I have to. Out of context, without the stuff that was going on abd how he was making me feel, I don’t think thry read like abuse. I wonder if courts only care about obvious name calling and threats rather than the more subtle stuff?

[Eggshells]

I think that this is a massive problem. Your unique relationship with th abuser means that you can read the context into it. It’s not what they say, it’s the history behind what they say. To anyone’s who hasn’t been abused by that person, the messages look benign. To the target of abuse, you understand the threat behind it.

I’ve looked back at letters that made me think he was admitting to and apologising for everything, in fact he admitted to nothing. It was contrived that way so that I’d fall prey to the hoovering but so that there was nothing I could use against him if I involved the police.

They are so manipulative. It made me realise how conscious the abuse is; they actually put time, effort and thought into it

[Lottieblue]

I think this is where it is really important to have a solicitor who “gets it”. Do you have a solicitor, and are they tuned in to what’s been going on for you? X

[Author]

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