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    • #129911

      So both of us have health issues and I’ve been his carer all our married life. My health issues started years later, but despite this, I still end up taking care of him (and nearly everything else around the house) regardless of how bad I might be feeling. If he’s not feeling well, things don’t get done and he’ll put himself first.
      He’s often said (detail removed by moderator), so that tells me there’s no way he’s going to take care of me in the same way I take care of him.
      When I told him I was struggling with depression (detail removed by moderator), he told me(detail removed by moderator). When I pulled him up on it, he tried to make out like it was a joke… but who in the hell jokes about someone (detail removed by moderator)!?
      I can’t work out if it’s because he doesn’t really believe me. If he’s trying some kind of weird reverse psychology or if he’s actually trying to drive me to do it. Then in the next breath he’ll tell me how much he loves me and couldn’t manage without me. Emotional manipulation at its finest.

    • #129913

      I feel for you.

      There is a difference between having suicidal thoughts and actually being suicidal. If in your case it is the latter, please seek help urgently. You can call 111 and select option 2, call the Samaritans or dial 999.

      You deserve so much better than this and you are right, suicide ideation is not a joking matter. Whatever his motivation for saying what he said, please don’t let him get to you. He’s not worth it your time, your thoughts or your life.

      Sending hugs. xx

    • #129956
      Main Moderator

      Hi Darknessallaround

      I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can see that Eggshells has given you really good advice about reaching out for the right support, please consider speaking to your GP or Samaritans if you are feeling low.

      It’s really unfair that you are having to do so much even though you have health issues, there is support available so you don’t have to deal with this alone. Your partner is not supportive and emotionally abusive, it’s not ok to behave like this.

      If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:

      Take care and please keep posting,


    • #130147

      Hi DarknessIsAllAround,

      Yes it’s awful isn’t it.

      I am (detail removed by moderator) but despite this, it has never made a difference to my (able bodied) partner in that he would help me. I still get chastised for not having cleaned something well enough (when our dishwasher is on the fritz), for being clumsy or not having noticed something. He doesn’t take me to local places (I obviously can’t drive) and expects me to get a taxi instead. He basically would not make any effort in his life to make mine that little bit easier.

      Later, of course, he will say he knows he doesn’t always taken it into account. Doesn’t make a difference in action.

      If he’s not providing you love and care, you already know you will manage alone if that thought is scaring you.

      You deserve better than anyone neglecting you like this or driving you to feel the way you do. As others have said, if you are worried about acting on thoughts please ring 999 or present to A&E. If you aren’t in immediate danger but haven’t already, please reach out for support – your GP, Samaritans or self-refer to your local IAPT (you don’t have to go via your GP if you don’t want to). They will be ready to support you.

    • #130497

      I’ve got so much stuff going round in my head, it becomes overwhelming, then I just shut down and don’t feel able to verbalise anything. I’ve tried writing things down that I want to speak to the counsellor about. But when I read it back, it all seems so trivial that I don’t feel I can bother her with it. 

      Feel like I’m tied up in one big knot. Home life is manageable just, so long as I don’t speak about it. Shutting down is my way of coping with an increasingly unbearable situation. But I don’t know how much longer I can function like this.

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