4th November 2018 at 9:00 pm #66571naturallyravenblackParticipant
So finally after yrs and yrs of a physically, verbally, emotionally abusive relationship I have a space at refuge with a moving date of (Detail removed by Moderator).
Since he was banned from driving he would insist on my picking him up from his flat (Detail removed by Moderator) minutes each way so he can take ‘his’ children to school. This means me finishing a full day of university or placement, picking the kids up, cooking dinner, helping with homework plus housework, trying to get some uni work done then going to get him in the late evenings when I’m.shattered or would rather do some revision etc. I was getting tired of it and starred refusing to go and get him. Of course this would make him angry and start accusing me of not allowing him to see his kids, or saying things like he is doing me a favour and allowing me to get to uni on time ( it makes no difference actually, I can still do the school run myself..)He wpuld also say he doesn’t like trains because there are too many accidents and he is scared of them. He would also tell our daughter that he can’t do certain things with het because i didn’t pick him up!
Anyway after (Detail removed by Moderator) days of refusing this week he started getting nasty. I ignored his calls ( all (Detail removed by Moderator) of them) and decided to lock my door incase he just turned up. He did turn up banging on the door etc and harassing me. I called the police and made a report. The next day he threatened to come back and cause trouble if I didn’t let him see the kids. So as not to cause a stir so close to US leaving for refuge I took the girls to his and we stayed overnight. He had me up apologising for every thing and being super nice. We went to hutch the next day and he was telling friends and family how happy he is when he is with his ‘missus and kids…..my eldest daughter knows our plans for refuge and starred saying she feels bad that we are going. I almost started to feel bad and have 2nd thoughts too. As he is being super nice….but I just keep looking back to previous attempts to reconcile and then turn nasty again.
I have to stay strong and remember all the times I sit up crying and depressed. All the times he argues and uses foul language around the kids, the times he has hit me then made up a pack of lies to the police to get out of it, all the b******t.
It is so so hard!
4th November 2018 at 9:09 pm #66573freedomtochooseParticipant
Do not, repeat, do not, have second thoughts.
You are lucky enough to have a place in refuge to get out.
Not everyone gets this chance.
Please don’t even share details with your kids. In case they blurt it out.
If you do this could be dangerous. Don’t lose your chance of a new life. Please.
22nd November 2018 at 11:29 pm #67483IwantmebackParticipant
I want to tell him it’s over, tell him we need to split up but I’m scared to. I’m fed up with the threats of theres the door or from him, I’ve been put out of better places than this. Every barb , every hateful, spiteful remark cant be forgiven. They no longer even hurt, they are just hardening my heart to him. He won’t accept he’s responsible for this, so why should i take responsibility for leaving him.why should i feel guilty at leaving him. He’s done this, not me. I recently got my hair done, the woman doesn’t know me shes never met b4 now. She complimented me on my hair and that was b4 she did it, she complimented how nice my skin was and how i had a lovely figure. A total stranger, a woman and she made me see what others see. Not what he sees.
People are and can be so nice. We’ve just had the misfortune to be taken in by someone who isn’t and is only nice when it suits them.
Good night all
22nd November 2018 at 7:02 am #67430SsssParticipant
I am like this… I’ve got keys to go… waiting for heating etc and it’s seems to be taking forever… he’s being so nice and yes I feel the same… I feel guilty sorry for him.. I have to kick myself..this time I will not fall for it…. I have in the past and it is so difficult…. but the niceness doesn’t last..don’t feel guilty.. like you say think of why your going in the first place…x
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