Mirroring

[Losttofind]

(detail removed by Moderator) years in a toxic relationship with abuse. What I didn’t get at the end was were was his morals with our child. Now I see the mirroring he used from me. All that’s gone now. Even down to what he wears, gone from smarty dressed to tracksuits which is something he mocked before but his new supple bless her soul is younger so he wants to fit in.I know what he did to me over the years but I think I’m seeing him for the first time. He turns himself into what ever person he needs to be at the time, there is not real self. I don’t know how to feel about it all. It was all a lie, he isn’t even real.
It does make me question everything, the only things I know he did for him was the controlling manipulation isolation verbal physical abuse and the smear campaign. How do you deal with it all the more I learn the worse it gets.
Sorry for the rant I’m just shocked it’s all worse than I ever thought. I used to tell him it was the ….his name show. I know the reason he is like this is because he had a terrible up bring but I’m starting not to think that’s an excuse at this point. He loves the pain he has inflicted he keeps trying to inflict more why can’t he leave me alone has he not done enough. He has moved on why is he still playing games with me.

[Grey Rock]

Yes. All a show. I remember watching my ex whenever diy or gardening needed doing. He’d get dressed up in a the gear and strut around like for an imaginary audience flexing his muscles or ‘thinking’ and doing slow wise nods at whatever he was looking at. Any ten minute job could take hours with all his parading. It was when I watched him doing this that I realised everything was just a show. Kind of hysterical but so so scary. Still sends a shudder down my spine thinking about it. And the lies and smear campaign, who’d have thought it possible. I couldn’t write a book about him as it would seem completely unbelievable. In-b****y-sane. I just can’t believe it took me so long to catch a glimpse beyond his mask. And even then I chose to pretend I’d imagined what I’d seen in there. Gah!!

I’m so so grateful for some peace from him (for the time being at least). Hope you get some peace as well soon.

GR x

[Losttofind]

My gut always told me something was wrong but my heart and his words kept me with him. I’m so glad he is gone. He is playing mind games and baiting me but I’m not reacting to it. Now I finally see him I don’t know what I was thinking. For all his evil I now see a cowardly man/child. Although my emotions are like a roller coaster and the trauma bond is so real it’s terrible I’m so great full to really see him passive aggressive threats coercion controlling.
One of the things he said when he run away home was (detail removed by moderator), but I now he has demons were ever he is he makes them were ever he is he can’t keep out running them. That’s his life, I wish one day I just feel sorry for him but I don’t think I could ever forgive him for what he put me through to get to that point. And feeling sorry for him is what started it all. I will be happy with indifference, here’s to hoping I get there. X

[Weemebreeze]

You’re doing so well and you’re on the right path – stay strong and listen to your gut. You’re right – it’s all an act. My ex did the same – wore clothes I liked, went to places I liked …. I couldn’t believe my “luck” to have found this “perfect guy”. Fast forward a few years and he’s now with a woman the total opposite of me, wearing totally different clothes, going to different types of places ……it’s all one giant act to make us fall for the, and to think we’ve so much in common x

[Watersprite]

Hey losttofound your post rang so so true woth me. The confusion of the psychological part of the abuse was so devious so calculated the scale of the monster so hidden. He will always have to live with himself whatever he may show to the outside world. It’s confusing and devastating at first but with his true self revealed you can begin to heal – have compassion and be gentle in your amazing progress. X

[Losttofind]

Thank you all, I felt like I was going crazy with it all but I’m realising it’s his behaviour that’s crazy not me. It’s so scary that so many of us have gone through this. We really should be proud of ourselves x

[Author]

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