Miscarriage and abuse

[BeautyMarked]

Apologies, I’m posting a lot today.

I’ve just phoned the Miscarriage Association and it wasn’t very helpful at all. They were understanding yet don’t seem geared for understanding miscarriage as a result of abuse.

One of the worst things about this whole ordeal is the miscarriage and the feeling that I was responsible as I wasn’t looking after myself as I was so stressed that I was no longer eating or sleeping. Other days I blame them for being the ones to reduce me to that state. I feel like they killed my precious baby apart from their attempts to get me to have an abortion for him. I have no idea what things cause miscarriage. I was told it was purely genetic and it was nothing to do with how I felt, but even on the NHS website it suggests there is a link between DV and miscarriage. I’m very confused.

Can anyone point me to any literature, websites, statistics, anything that might help me make sense? I’ve seen such conflicting things about miscarriage in abusive relationships and I just want to make sense of things.

[colouringinfairy]

I can’t help much in terms of helpful material to send to you, but I miscarried 2 months in due to the stress of DA. I had to leave my home, give away my cats and move country to be with my family as a result of my emotionally and mentally abusive relationship (which did ultimately turn physical later down the line). I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, if I did sleep it was minimal and as a result of sedatives. My doctor basically said my body couldn’t sustain the baby because I was so sick, malnourished and run down. For me it’s even more of a kick in the teeth – I’m part of the rhesus negative blood group so usually first pregnancy is fine and the rest are at high risk of miscarriage and stillbirth. I was gutted – I still am all these years later, but I view it as somewhat of a blessing now. Considering my ex (the father) went on to physically assault me, I am so relieved I won’t be tied to him for the rest of my life and my child wont have an abusive gaslighting drunk for a father. It’s awful, but there are silver linings and blessings in disguise it may just take a little longer to see them and truly appreciate them.

It sounds like you may have experienced the same thing I did, and it is a direct result of DV – even if it’s not physical – it’s truly awful the toll it takes on us :'( here for you though. Keep strong and take care of yourself x

[BeautyMarked]

Thank you so much for sharing that and I can relate to much of what you say. It is so hard to know that this is a result of what he did to me – I really feel like it is linked even though I seem to rare a lot that says it isn’t.

[colouringinfairy]

Abuse affects us physically (even if it’s mental and emotional abuse) so much and if we can’t even look after ourselves of course our bodies are going to fail us in that sense. I 100% feel like my miscarriage was linked to the abuse – I was skin and bones and never slept, there’s no way that didn’t impact my pregnancy – and I was in that state because of what he was putting me through. My heart breaks for you so much, I felt like such a failure when it happened to me but it will make you stronger I promise and one day you’ll have a beautiful little baby with a wonderful man who looks after you both. Please be kind to yourself, lots of self love and care x

[diymum@1]

there is some research – i would imagine it might relate to physically being attacked while pregnant but i found this ;

The first indirect pathway suggests that intimate partner violence is associated with pregnancy loss due to the women’s stress related physiological responses to intimate partner violence, which can lead to low weight gain during pregnancy, restricted intrauterine growth, hypertension and infections during pregnancy

im not sure if it will be helpful in your recovery because there still wont be any way off holding him accountable. i guess youll know tho for sure if you see the research and see it was caused by the stress he put you under. stress is very underrated but it causes so many physical problems.

i hope you can find a service thats going to support you though. im not sure if SANDS might be a good source off support for you xxxx i hope you are ok

much love diymum xxxx

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