This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Lavenderrose 2 weeks ago.

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  • #85416
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    This is nothing I ever imagined saying but I miss him (well the nice him). I’m away at the moment and struggling a bit. Seeing families together and mine has disappeared, I feel it’s all my fault I feel terrible and so guilty. I’ve cut all contact but I feel so guilty that I can’t just reply with something nice or a picture of our daughter.
    I know I’m better off and so are my children but I just feel sad. I never wanted this to happen at all. It’s our daughters birthday soon and I feel like the worst mummy ever that she won’t get to see her daddy because of me.
    Such a long road ahead. It’s so tough. I don’t know how many of you have managed really. X

  • #85422
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    I think these feelings are very natural to have. Unlike him, you are kind and loving and of course you never wanted any of this to happen – which is why you have nothing to feel guilty about. It was always entirely his choice to do what he did. Nothing you did caused it and it was never your fault. I also think it’s very normal to miss and even crave the good parts of him, because of course it wasn’t all bad. But sadly that nice persona they sometimes showed us isn’t the real them. It’s okay to allow yourself to grieve for what you wanted it to have been and what it should have been – just remember that he is the one who ruined that, not you.
    You are the best mummy because you are keeping your children safe. You and your children are still a family and a much better one now that he isn’t there to inflict his misery on you. It really is about taking it day by day, baby step by baby step, and you will get there x Keep posting x

  • #85427
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind words AS 💗
    I know I need to keep reminding myself of how he didn’t really care too much for me and how badly he would treat me. It’s just hard as there was some good times. He was supposed to be my forever but it just didn’t work out that way and I’m sad for that. Yet again I’m alone but obviously safe and away from his grip!
    My solicitor had advised no contact for our daughter so I have backed away and so have my family but he has messaged us several times in recent weeks trying to have something to do with our daughter. I feel desperately sad about this. I want him to have a picture or something as it’s her birthday approaching but I’m worried that even if it’s not directly from me it’ll go against me in court. Do I just not respond in any shape or form? I still don’t know how i’ll Face him when the time comes x

  • #85438
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Hello you 🙂hope your okay xx listen you you have nothing to feel guilty for – his behaviour tore the family apart you had no choice in leaving him. The lawyer has said no contact so I’d stick to that advice – then it’s out off your hands. Try to enjoy her birthday and make some good memories to cherish because once you thoroughly move on from him (and You will) you’ll regret not enjoying your family. Your still family with out him. I remember going on holiday just all girls and thinking look at all these families who are intact where did i go wrong?i know now I couldn’t have changed the fact he was abusive. When the time comes for court you’ll be ready to face him. Hold your head up high 😘this will get better xx love 💕 diymum 💪

  • #85443
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    I also at times miss my ex. I fleet between missing him and being angry. The best advice I’ve read on here is to write a list of all the things he used to do. I keep on adding to mine as the days going on I remember more and more. Whenever I feel like I want to contact him I read over it. It really does help. The ladies above are right you didn’t split your family up he did. The blame is with him he choose to abuse you. My abuser could turn it off whenever someone else was around- it shows he was in control he knew what he was doing wasn’t right. Please feel no guilt in all this. Keep your head high and enjoy your little girls birthday. They are only little once and don’t let him take that away from you. X*x

  • #85460
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    Thanks ladies. My family have made me realise that being harsh isn’t in our nature and that he has ultimately played a hand in this. I’ve just felt sad seeing families knowing how broken mine is but it’s something I have get used to.
    One thing he always used to say to me was I don’t want to be that abusive man, I’d always say oh you’re not. I didn’t believe he was because I didn’t at the time realise it but clearly he knew he had a problem! X

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