Missing my youngest

[Serenity]

My youngest is at his dad’s- (detail removed by Moderator)

I’ve been quite good at trying to be as positive and practical as possible regarding his contacts; not exactly switching off about my son, but being in survival mode regarding it.

This time he went, I felt a real wrench, though I didn’t say anything or show it. But today, I felt a real ache in my body, as I missed my son.

Sure enough, as if he were sensing it- or I were sensing his feelings- he texted me to say how he missed me.

It’s quite heartbreaking. I wish he didn’t have to go.

[SunshineRainflower]

Sending you a big hug Serenity. I think it’s totally normal that you would feel that way. It is so lovely and a very good sign that your youngest text you to say he was missing you. I am struggling very much with the aftermath of my abusive relationship and I wasn’t with him for long at all let alone had children so I can imagine it must sometimes feel like a total nightmare to still have to deal with one of these monsters. I think you are doing great and handling it all very well, formalising everything and keep it professional.

I think at the moment the best you can do is look after yourself, use the time alone to do some journaling, a hobby, pampering etc and then enjoy the time you have with your son. Your ex will want it to rile you so just keep strong and calm. But also let yourself feel the pain and reflect on it so you’re not burying it down. Soon your son will be older and able to decide about seeing his dad for himself and it sounds like he already sees his true colours.

[Serenity]

Thanks, Sunshine.

I can feel a bit of a change in the air. My youngest is growing up and is finding his dad’s inflexible nature difficult, I imagine. My ex is very dictatorial.

All I can do is be there and encourage my son to stand up for his rights.

Thanks for your kind words.

[citrine]

Hi Serenity

At what point would your son have a voice that would be listened to if he didn’t want to see his father?

My children are adamant that they never want to see their dad again, they worry that they will be made too.

It’s very hard when children have heard and seen so much.

Sending you much love as I would be heart broken if I was away from my children too.

X*x

[she-ra]

Sending you big hugs xx I haven’t left yet and I guess one of the many reasons is having to let the children see their dad without me being there. Like you say he’s obviously thinking of you too and will no doubt see his dad for what he really is, just continue to be there for him. Lots of love xxxx

[Serenity]

Thank you.

My youngest is probably at the age now that a court would say it’s his choice- but there is an order in place that would need to be changed, and I’m not sure if my son would feel brave enough to do that, even for fear of upsetting his father. I know the contact order can’t go on forever: it needs to be revised at some point, as he will be getting older and want more freedom and choice.

[Confused123]

hey hun

sending u hug, its heart breaking for us mum , they do see them for their true colours and a time will come and your son will just say himself he wants no contact

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