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    • #168548

      I’m at the end of a whirlwind weekend where (detail removed by moderator) friends came and helped me sort out so much stuff in the house and garden. It all has a new energy, but my feelings are all over the place. I feel guilty that I am enjoying the house with my and our stuff in it, almost like I am an impostor. I have the feeling that I have taken his life away from him, and I and other people are doing things that in my imagination my husband and I should have been doing together. We had only moved into the house a few months before he was arrested, and had not done a lot to it. My friends put up pictures and moved furniture and changed how I used some rooms. It is like I’m taking away his memories. I know I shouldn’t care about how he feels but I do. Mind is all over the place!

    • #168562
      Main Moderator

      Hi Bulbssprouting,

      Thank you for sharing with us. It is natural to feel a range of emotions due to changes in your home after what you have been through. It will take time to adapt and that is ok. Try to remember you haven’t caused any of this- you deserve to live peacefully in your home.

      Keep posting to us when you are able to, it can help to share here.

      Best wishes,


    • #168670

      Thinking of you. How are you feeling now? I just wanted to echo what Lisa said too, that you deserve to live peacefully and your husband has brought this upon himself.

    • #168673

      Thank you @lisa and @swanlake. Unfortunately today I feel as if I have taken 2 steps back. A close relative of my husband came to the house to collect some of his stuff, and I didn’t cope with it well. It puts him within touching distance. I desperately want to hold him, and believe that it could all be ok, but I also know I can’t and it wouldn’t. I am watching the sunrise in the house I hoped would make it all better, and all I can do is cry
      I have to pull myself together as I have a busy weekend socialising with people who don’t have a clue what has happened to me. I hope I will be able to get through it.

    • #168693

      Still wobbly today. For some reason some of the stuff he wanted from the house has really upset me. (It was nothing major and all his but it was something we had used daily together). It really emphasised the finality and the awfulness. I am having to be so strong and say all the right things to everyone but inside I am screaming and thinking about the horrendous contrast of our life together , and why is it now that he has actually contacted professionals to start to deal with his issues. Why wasn’t I enough for him to do it.

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