- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks, 3 days ago by
nbumblebee.
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21st January 2025 at 2:20 pm #173541
Eyesopening
ParticipantI am free from a long abusive relationship and my father was abusive. So abuse is what I know. I am now in a new relationship after giving it a good 2 years break to heal. At first especially it was so amazing, he made me so happy and was so kind thoughtful, everything my ex never was, he treated me with love and respect. But over time there were some red flags, like he can snap sometimes, not say anything bad, but they way he says it really triggered me (so much that I went back to therapy) I am less easily triggered but I still can get anxious. So some days he can just be so moody, he can be a bit snappy and just make me feel c**p, even if it is directed all at the dog, it affects me. I have a hobby I love and he keeps being in bad moods and ruining it. I even had a horrible accident which I broke bones and had a horrendous time, but I think if it wasn’t for him, it may not have happened..
is it normal for people to be in bad moods for a day or two..there is always something wrong with him, sore back, arm, shoulder, too cold, anything that will make his mood bad! We joke around alot and I do feel like he can joke too much and sometimes make me feel bad, he never compliments much and I don’t feel he is great for my confidence, he isn’t good at saying sorry, he is competitive with our shared hobby and didn’t like it when I was better then him, He was away with work for a long time and I got really good, I wonder if he actually hinders my confidence(he sturggles with confidence). I then has my accident and I kept thinking, well now he is happy that he is better then me as I have lost my skill/confidence..
He gets so easily stressed, and can get angry with inanimate objects. Never with me. He always speaks to me very well. He knows he needs therapy, but doesn’t seem to pursue it.
So he has three kids, from two different women and is married to another. He doesn’t see one of the kids and has no idea where he is. The mum apparently had an abusive relationship after him and went into hiding. (I know how bad this sounds) He is also bad with money, he has been in the particular job and just come out of it, and is in quite a bit of debt, which he means to start paying off now, he just left this job so that is going to be even more difficult… he is great with the kids he does see though I will say that. I asked him recently when will he get a divorse and that he has rights to see this child, and he went quiet and said ‘ you havent done anything wrong but I am upset and triggered’ . He has said his past ex has been abusive.
Now he has left his current job he wants to move back home which is across the country, I have said will give it a go as I think I love him and don’t want to be without him. he is amazing in so many ways, when I was broken he looked after me so well.. But yeah, its a big move, and I can’t sleep I am so stressed. I am a right mess atm,
He has never said he loves me…
Any thought appriciated
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21st January 2025 at 4:30 pm #173543
Lightwunderkind20
ParticipantI don’t think I’m the best person to give advice as it is still very early days for me. But i would say I think you should trust your gut feelings. Uprooting yourself to move with him with all those issues that you have described would mean potentially that you are isolating yourself from any support that you may have.
I would ask yourself if you feel safe, secure and loved? Does he support you? Do you have open communication where you can raise these issues with him?
Maybe read your post back and look at it from the point of view of a friend- if your friend told you all of that and asked you if they should move away to be with him…what would you say? -
22nd January 2025 at 8:03 am #173555
nbumblebee
ParticipantHey sweetie, firstly sorry to hear about your accident I do hope you are healing now.
You know as well as many of us that if we had maybe trusted our guts that very quiet low voice inside us telling us something wasnt right that we wouldnt have stayed so long. Its that voice that fear that we need to listen too. Read your post as if Id have written it what would you say to me? We cant see it from the inside but when taken away when we look from a different view we see more clearly our way through.
Yes maybe there is an element of fear due to what you went through yes maybe some days you see things that arent there but that gut feeling that doubt that speck of fear that should be listened too.
You deserve happiness love respect and joy no more fear or doubt sweetie you deserve better than that xxxx
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24th January 2025 at 11:15 am #173628
Eyesopening
Participanthey nbumblebee, I hope you are doing ok? Nice to see a familier name here. Thankyou for replying, this is so confusing, what is weird is that when I am with him and we are all good, I have no doubts, and I sleep better, everything is better, he is already moved so now I have time alone, I feel like I am really struggling. xxxx
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24th January 2025 at 9:28 pm #173643
nbumblebee
ParticipantGood to hear from you too sweetie. I think you have to listen to your gut that deep down feeling xxxxx
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