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    • #6188
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      in the news now…

      how much is the role of ss ‘help’ … i mean real help for families .. so often it seems are babies and children removed from families because of SS identifying a perpetrator and no powers to act against the perpetrator, to force them to leave the family alone?!!! to keep the rest of the family together.

      Ever is it the way to leave the bully where they are (in class in school, or in the family home) and make everyone else move away around them.

      Are there no consequences from SS for the worst of husbands/partners/fathers in our society. If they are idenfitied as a risk to the family, why can they not remove them instantly? and put bars in place to prevent return/contact? then if children/women make contact they would face consequences of the risk they put themselves in?

      too often are famiies scared to ask for real help, as a result.

      Good to hear that DV reporting is also on the rise though. Assuming this is not an increase in DV itself, but simply more women reporting it.

    • #6308

      Oh karma! I couldn’t agree more!!

      It’s still a thorn in the side of my family members that I’m the one who had to move 40+miles away and not allowed to come home because of the risk my perp poses to me and my child…but he still struts around my hometown like his s&8% doesn’t stink…

      The male perpetrator faces no consequences whatsoever…and even if the woman does leave and take her children, if he has parental responsibility he can just take her to family court and get the kids anyway!! But if she doesn’t leave…they remove her children. Makes me want to bang my head against a wall it really does!

      (I’ll get off my soapbox now)

      Much love, LBP, xx

    • #6315
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      i really think its just me that grumbles on about the injustices of it all, well not just because its unjust, but because of the pain and permanent damage it does to children to be taken from their mums, and what that does to the mum’s who have no only be under the control of an abuser, but then the pain of losing their children.

      Its good to hear someone else sees it this way. We are continually told to report everything and yet these same reports could be the one’s used against us by SS?

      < hands back soap-box! >

    • #6319
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      so sad that you and so many others facing this 🙁

    • #6379

      You’re so so right. When I first reported something to police they didn’t even tell me they’d be telling the SS…I knew nothing about it until I got a letter threatening SS involvement and as I’d done the right thing ‘this time’ they’ll drop the issue. Utterly terrifying. And of course, when my perp found that letter he hit the roof…
      The whole system is flawed. Trying to be careful what I put up here, but the system doesn’t protect the children. Such a horrible position for any woman and child to be put in.

      Have known too many women who lost their children due to the fathers violence…and then the father manages to convince the ss that the mother is the problem, and (no word of a lie at least 3 cases I have seen this happen) the father is then given custody of the children.

      back to banging my head

    • #6390
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      ss have treated you like the risk!!! its truly horrifying. I’m sure many must have had letters the same Pheonix. How are you doing worse by the children than him?????

      Why are YOU the one to blame? and you and the children the ones to suffer, and yes, only for them to apply for custody and get it…. how effed up!

      its the underlying principle that women and children are able to function normally under the threat of an abuser and that they are the problem not the abuser, attacking the vulnerable instead of taking out the abuser there and then!

      You were so brave to report that and then it backfires! so how can SS earn our trust??

    • #6407

      Exactly…as if somehow women are supposed to be able to deal with the insane behaviours of abusive men and just take it in their stride? Too many times women are met with the dismissal of “well, you know what he’s like”…as if that somehow makes it okay?

      I find the burden of proof far far less for men…we have to prove every single thing they do, but they merely need to go into an office, turn on those expertly-timed water-works they are oh so good at and tell their lies, weave their webs and that’s it…we’re the villains. We’re instantly the abusers. It is a mans world after all.

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